IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is good for spending money on finding life on other planets, while others believe it is a waste and governments should focus on problems on the earth. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #money #life #planets #waste #governments #focus #earth
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Numerous individuals think that it is wiser to put aside more budget to
researh
Correct your spelling
research
 the possibility of living on
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
planets
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that the main solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is to focus on the development of
Use synonyms
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
while
Linking Words
 finding the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problems. In my opinion, governments should delve more into the problems on the
earth
Use synonyms
 and find ways to enhance the quality of life on
this
Linking Words
 planet.
Firstly
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, based on some research and
science
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scientific
show examples
 explanations, there are not many
planets
Use synonyms
 that are liveable by living individuals
such
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 as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. Spending more time and money to delve deeper into
this
Linking Words
 will certainly be a waste as there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not much that we can do if other
planets
Use synonyms
' quality
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 too far from human's living standard.
Therefore
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,
instead
Linking Words
to take
Change preposition
of taking
show examples
 a look
further
Linking Words
 into
this
Linking Words
, it is better if the stakeholders focus on developing things that are already built on
earth
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with the case of over-population on
Use synonyms
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
, it is going to be hard to move all people to
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
planets
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
 of efficiency as the probability of everyone moving to another planet is low.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if living on
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
planets
Use synonyms
 were to happen, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 surely
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 a lot and not many people can afford it.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
earth
Add an article
the earth
show examples
 will only be lived by individuals that
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 go to
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
planets
Use synonyms
, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 declining
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 phase.
This
Linking Words
 could be another issue faced by both society and governments. In conclusion, I believe that allocating
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 towards finding the right solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the earth's
show examples
earth's
Capitalize word
Earth's
show examples
 problems is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 idea compared to spending more time and money to find ways to relocate to
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
planets
Use synonyms
. The reason why is because of the stability of
Use synonyms
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 making it easier to develop, and preventing more issues
coming
Change preposition
from coming
show examples
 in the future.
Submitted by oktavianisaa123 on

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task achievement
Your introduction is concise and presents the topic clearly. However, you could further improve it by briefly outlining the main points you'll discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try linking the ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. For example, use transitional phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand,' or 'consequently.'
task achievement
While your arguments are clear, using more specific examples and data could make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your position clearly.
task achievement
You've managed to cover both perspectives of the issue, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Space exploration
  • Extraterrestrial life
  • Technological advancements
  • Investment in the future
  • Immediate problems
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Healthcare system
  • Educational resources
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Sustainable investments
  • Funding allocation
  • Interplanetary research
  • Cosmic curiosity
  • Global challenges
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