IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, school-age children spend their free time doing homework. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give examples based on your own experience.

#countries #children #time #homework
Spending leisure time in order to complete homework is fairly common among students these days. I think the trend is detrimental because
this
 tends not
only
Add the particle
toonly
show examples
 lower the chances to socialise with
Add an article
a friend
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 but ruins physical health as well.
This
 essay will support my views and conclude appropriately at the end.
First
 and foremost, during the pastime
activities
,
this
 allows school-going
children
 to meet their friends and neighbours.
This
 meeting is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the best ways to communicate with others and building trustworthy relationships, which tend
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 many positive impacts. Especially, when the pupils get older, they will find
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 to work within a team, understand and tolerate others.
For instance
, the
children
 could pursue some extracurricular
activities
: drawing, dancing, swimming and so on.
Otherwise
, if they sat and did homework, students would find
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 to maintain
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
 relationship.
Secondly
, the lack of free time
activities
 could be harmful to both
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 and mental health of the young ones.
Although
 studying during pastime
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be accurate, in the long
run
Add the comma(s)
,run
show examples
 it will bring damaging effects. Because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prolonged inactivity and social isolation, the
children
 tend to become obese or
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
over weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
. Due to
this
, they often experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence leading
psychological
Change preposition
to psychological
show examples
 and medical problems. It has been noted that in America,
for example
, many
children
 who avoiding engaging
free
Change preposition
in free
show examples
 time
activities
 experience mental and physical dysfunctions. In conclusion, engaging
school
Change preposition
in school
show examples
 assignments during
leisure
Correct article usage
the leisure
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 highly likely to result in some negative impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 students’ live.
This
 could be both bodily and mentally dysfunctions.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: