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Band 6.5

In many countries, school-age children spend their free time doing homework. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give examples based on your own experience.

Spending leisure time in order to complete homework is fairly common among students these days. I think the trend is detrimental because
this
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 tends not
only
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toonly
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 lower the chances to socialise with
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a friend
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friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 but ruins physical health as well.
This
Linking Words
 essay will support my views and conclude appropriately at the end.
First
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 and foremost, during the pastime
activities
Use synonyms
,
this
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 allows school-going
children
Use synonyms
 to meet their friends and neighbours.
This
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 meeting is
the
Change the article
apply
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one of the best ways to communicate with others and building trustworthy relationships, which tend
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 many positive impacts. Especially, when the pupils get older, they will find
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
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 to work within a team, understand and tolerate others.
For instance
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, the
children
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 could pursue some extracurricular
activities
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: drawing, dancing, swimming and so on.
Otherwise
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, if they sat and did homework, students would find
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
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 to maintain
social
Add an article
the social
a social
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 relationship.
Secondly
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, the lack of free time
activities
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 could be harmful to both
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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 and mental health of the young ones.
Although
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 studying during pastime
seem
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seems
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 to be accurate, in the long
run
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,run
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 it will bring damaging effects. Because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prolonged inactivity and social isolation, the
children
Use synonyms
 tend to become obese or
Correct your spelling
overweight
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over weight
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overweight
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. Due to
this
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, they often experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of confidence leading
psychological
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to psychological
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 and medical problems. It has been noted that in America,
for example
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, many
children
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 who avoiding engaging
free
Change preposition
in free
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 time
activities
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 experience mental and physical dysfunctions. In conclusion, engaging
school
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in school
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 assignments during
leisure
Correct article usage
the leisure
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 highly likely to result in some negative impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 students’ live.
This
Linking Words
 could be both bodily and mentally dysfunctions.

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