IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as smartphones, are making people socially less interactive. Discuss both views.

#people #inventions #smartphones
Technological developments and their impact on society are one of the most controversial topics in the present day. There are
people
 that are certain that technologies make us more isolated from the rest of the world. Others oppose by saying that technological progress brings everyone together. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. On the one hand, mobile phone users tend to spend more time on their phones, rather than having a face-to-face conversation with their family or friends.
This
 may have a negative impact on users real-life relationships and possibly lead to breakups. Another point to be considered is that more and more children own a smartphone nowadays.
Thus
, preferring it to
playing
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 outside with their peers.
Consequently
,
this
 may lead to a lack of social and physical activity.
On the other hand
, many would argue that due to modern days’ technological advantage
people
 are getting closer.
For instance
, with a help of the Internet geographical location is no longer an issue in communication. It has become easier to get in touch with someone who is on the other side of the globe.
In addition
, communicating with others via online messengers is both faster and cheaper, compared to older ways,
such
 as sending a letter or a telegram.
Furthermore
, it is worth noticing that the Internet and smartphones make widen
people
’s social networks. As social media platforms allow users to join communities and make new connections.
Therefore
, making
people
 more socially active. In the final analysis, while technologies may affect negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
relationships
a relationship
show examples
 between
people
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 benefit is undeniable.
Submitted by yerassem on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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