some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Some persons would claim, and I do not agree, that

music

is a good means of uniting individuals of varying cultures and age groups together.

This

essay would explain

further

. On the one hand, some would argue that

music

is a medium of bringing

people

of various traditions and ages together.

However

, I do not agree with

this

claim. They are of the opinion that because musical notes are pleasing to the ears when they are been sung, it has a way of uniting

people

together.

For instance

, according to the daily times' magazine,

music

is one of the primary reasons why different persons from different walks of life go for the annual carnival held in Lagos,Nigeria. Due to the fact that it is pleasing to the ears and mind,

many

Replace the quantifier

much

show examples

belief

Replace the word

believe

show examples

that it is a way of bringing individuals from different backgrounds closer.

On the other hand

, I do not agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

the fact that

music

brings

people

closer, as not all persons are musically inclined. Sports

such

as football,

basket ball

Correct your spelling

basketball

show examples

amongst other types of sporting activities have been proven beyond

reasonable

Add an article

a reasonable

show examples

doubt to unite various

people

across the world.

For example

, results of different studies have shown that the Olympic game usually held bi-annually brings

people

from the different continents together. Due to

this

proven fact, I do not concur with other

people

claim

Fix the agreement mistake

claims

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

many

belief

Replace the word

believe

show examples

that

music

unites

people

from different cultures and ages, I do not concur with

this

statement, as some sports have been proven to better unite

people

Submitted by Victoria on Tue Jul 06 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

People are staying more and more at home, these days. What are the causes and effects.

Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?