When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, when
people
consider their
job
, the wage can have the most significant effect on their decision.
Although
some individuals think that
job
satisfaction
is more important than
salary
, a huge number of
people
believe
money
is the first option. From my perspective, choosing a
job
according to
a good
salary
can bring some benefits,
however
, it can have several detrimental effects on their
life
. On the one hand, there are many vital advantages of choosing a
job
with a good
salary
without
job
satisfaction
.
Firstly
, they might not be worried about any problems which can
money
cause
due to
being aware of having enough
money
.
Moreover
, having an acceptable wage can provide
people
with a
quality
life
such
as health insurance,
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
show examples
education.
For instance
, if a family's income is sufficient for all members, the children might be able to study at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
schools throughout their
life
.
Hence
, earning good
money
from their occupation and even not having
satisfaction
can have influences on their
life
positively.
On the other hand
, when choosing a
job
, not considering
job
satisfaction
can cause some harmful consequences. Workers might not have enthusiasm for their
job
, because they might be unwilling to work in their major.
Therefore
, they might not be able to accomplish their goals
due to
a lack of ambition.
For example
, a vast number of doctors may have chosen to be a doctor because of the good profit, but if they are not interested in health jobs
such
as operations, and treatment.
As a result
, the priority of the
salary
when
people
manage their carriers can have some disadvantages to their business
life
. In conclusion,
people
when thinking about their business careers,
money
can be the most essential factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
their decision. Some individuals say it has more benefits than other factors,
while
others do not agree. From my perspective, a good income can be beneficial for some families to provide a better
life
quality
,
however
not having
job
satisfaction
can harm
people
's lives.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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task achievement
While the essay answers the prompt effectively, be mindful of some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'such as operations, and treatment' could be smoother. Proofreading for these minor errors can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Consider maintaining consistency in terminology. For instance, 'wage,' 'salary,' and 'income' are used interchangeably. While this is understandable, consistency might strengthen the essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview and summary of the main points.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses specific examples, like the reference to doctors and health insurance, to illustrate points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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