Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while other believe that others factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some that due to hard
work
and
determination
life
is successful, whereas others think that wages and personal
appearance
are paramount. I don’t believe that
work
hard and
determination
are only vital, but there should be money and personal
appearance
also
important. On the one hand, there are various reasons why hard
work
and
determination
are
useful
Add an article
a useful
the useful
show examples
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
for
success
in
life
.
Firstly
, If people are working hard , they will get
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. They are working honestly in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Secondly
, people
are follows
Change the verb form
are following
show examples
rules and regulations in their
life
.
For example
, Indian celebrities like ‘-Akshay Kumar-' followed rules and regulations strictly in
life
. These things
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
him to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
in
life
that stands as an epitome.
On the other hand
, there are many reasons why money and personal
appearance
are vital. The
first
prominent reason is that if companies give high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
to their employees, they will
work
hard and put
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
all efforts. The
second
reason is that some companies give attention to their workers, the. They
are gives
Change the verb form
are giving
are given
show examples
good feedback related to companies. To cite an example, in India, TATA company, not only employees gets salaries but
also
attention from managers. I believe that hard
work
and
determination
are important to getting
success
in
life
, but I
also
recognize that money and personal
appearance
are
also
vital. All these things are vital to get
success
in
life
. If one can apply all these things in their
work
,they will definitely get
success
in
life
. To conclude, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
work
and
determination
are the significant factor to get
success
in
life
, wages and personal viewpoints are
also
important.
Submitted by tithipatel1731 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: