IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“ Many people think that men should go out to work while women’s place is in the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

#people #men #work #women’s #place #home
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Several people argue that
men
Use synonyms
 should go for
Correct article usage
a job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 whereas
women
Use synonyms
 should be at home looking after their families. I totally disagree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the above statement as
women
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 are nowhere lesser than
men
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 and they should be treated equally as
men
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will substantiate my
agreements
Fix the agreement mistake
agreement
show examples
 in the following paragraphs with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 generation, there is no gender discrimination in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Although
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men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for their survival,
women
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 at the same time can
work
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 and manage household chores.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
,
women
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 are experts in multitasking their duties. According to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey,
women
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 who
work
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 are achieving things both at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 and in their
house
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houses
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.
Moreover
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,
men
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 can only concentrate on one thing at a time, unlike
women
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. They
also
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 look after their children and elderly people at home.
Secondly
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, not only
men
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 but
also
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women
Use synonyms
 should focus on their career goals. Nowadays everyone is educated and has a right to live
in
Change preposition
at
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 their own pace. Recently, a lady who won
gold
Add an article
the gold
a gold
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 medal in archery is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career oriented
Add a hyphen
career-oriented
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.
Furthermore
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,
men
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 should encourage
women
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 to make them successful in their achievements which motivates them.
For example
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, a couple who stays in Russia, who started
online
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an online
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 business,
husband
Add an article
a husband
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 named the site on her wife as the idea was generated by her. So, giving credit for their ideas makes them motivated and respected. In conclusion,
women
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's place is not in the house, and not only
men
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 should
work
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. It depends on the equality and encouragement provided to each other. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society beliefs, very
women
Use synonyms
 should focus on their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by shivanisampurna on

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