IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The government money should be invested in teaching science rather than other subject so as to help the country make progress and develop. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #science #country #progress
Whether the authority's
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 should be spent on science
subjects
 rather than other ones in order to improve the country is often debated. The writer of
this
 essay does not completely align with
this
 notion as not only learning social
subjects
 to improve
life
 skills but
also
 developing the children's innate talents. It's vital to recognize that social discipline can help the child sharpen their
life
 skill. To explain
further
, these
subjects
 help them know the
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 the society
work
Verb problem
apply
show examples
or understand how to operate money, which is necessary for the student's
life
 in the future.
Moreover
, being educated sequentially with both moral standards and academic knowledge motivates them to be someone who possesses both talent and virtue.
For example
, the survey in a particular school which provided comprehensive education in all aspects showed that their student was more successful than other ones in school just learning natural sciences subject. Another factor that would be considered is cultivating students's passion. In fact, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some talent-based
subjects
 like art or music,
instead
 of playing dumb with
this
, these schools or parents can create an appropriately artistic environment for the children to develop the fullest capacity. Taking the UK as a contextual example, where 100% of students were taught artistic discipline, has been a place with many renowned artists. In conclusion, essential
life
 competency and natural aptitude are the reasons why the government should put resources into all the
subjects
 rather than just focusing on science
subjects
.
Hence
, the foundation of developmental education is a comprehensive education system.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument introduced at the beginning. Try to use more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, provide more concrete examples and statistics to back up your points. Make sure your main ideas are fully extended and thoroughly analyzed from various perspectives.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position from the beginning and maintains it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure of the essay is mostly clear, with distinct paragraphs and main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the essay, providing a clear context for the reader.
task achievement
Relevant examples were used to support the main points, which adds value to the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • New industries
  • Job creation
  • Well-rounded education
  • Cultural development
  • Global challenges
  • Climate change
  • Health crises
  • Food security
  • Scientific research
  • Critical thinking
  • Creativity
  • Ethical understanding
  • National security
  • Economic prosperity
  • Diverse interests
  • Aptitudes
  • Dynamic society
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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