IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Earlier technology development brought more changes to life of ordinary people than the recent technology development do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #development #changes #life #people
Undoubtedly, technology has simplified the ways in which we perform daily activities
such
 as communication, transportation, and even food preservation. A class of thoughts claims that the earlier technology development brought more changes to ordinary
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 than the recent advancements do,
on the contrary
, another group of researchers disagrees. I quite disagree with the claim to a very large extent and the reasons that have fuelled my opinion would be elaborated in
this
 essay. Despite the fact that former technological enhancements were more affordable and easier to understand, new techs have made
life
 easier.
For instance
, I recall when my grandfather - before he kicked the bucket - would ride his bicycle to the village meetings, which I sometimes attended alongside him because I loved to listen to older
people
's arguments and deliberations. He rode for about two hours to get to the venue. Contrarily, my uncle, who recently bought a Toyota Camry car - a transport system birthed by current intelligence - travels the same distance in thirty minutes. Alas!
Life
 is easier. Not only do we arrive earlier, but
also
 protect ourselves from the village's red
dusts
Change the wording
dust
specks of dust
clouds of dust
bags of dust
show examples
 that
stains
Change the verb form
stain
show examples
 our outfits and enjoy the
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 air-conditioned environment inside the vehicle. When he joins the upper-class population perhaps, my dad's brother plans to
puchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 a newer version -
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 a Mercedes Benz- that does not require manual control but just
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
communication of the desired travel location and boom! the 'machine' takes you there. If I remember correctly, he called it AI cars.
In addition
, many
people
 agree that older technologies were more accessible,
however
, today's mechanical
sophistications
Correct your spelling
sophistication
show examples
 have saved a larger number of lives than has the former. To illustrate
this
, I would share the story of my dead mum - I miss her so much. Reminiscing on the events of the 12th of May 1999, my mama was about to give birth to my little brother, she felt the labour pains and hurriedly left to get help. With joy in my heart, my friends and I waited for the good news - to hug her and play with the tiny creature. My excitement hit the rock when 'Papi' - my dad - told me that mummy slept in the Lord while birthing the child. My curiosity led me to inquire what went wrong, and he said that the 'housewives' - individuals whose experience avail them the opportunity to deliver women of their babies- could not stop the bleeding,
as a result
, my mother lost so much blood and died afterwards. It has been twenty years since that incident
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and looking at how globalization has increased knowledge-sharing, she would have been alive if she got half the medical attention that
people
 get today. In conclusion, my heart bleeds whenever I hear folks saying that the mechanisms of old have done better - in terms of providing regular
people
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
better
life
 - than those of today.
Submitted by ugwokepeace on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: