Some people think traveling abroad is necessary, while others think its is not necessary because TV and the internet can give the same information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Although. Consider removing the comma.

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it has been pointed out that it is necessary to visit other countries to gain various
knowledge
, other people consider that it is unnecessary as the same information has been given through
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the TV programs and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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. In
this
essay, I will elaborate on both opinions and present my own stand of view towards the topics. On the one hand, some individuals think they do not need to travel to
another nations
Replace the adjective
another nation
other nations

The adjective another appears to be modifying the plural noun nations. Consider replacing it with the adjective other.

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.
This
is because, with the advancement of technology and social media, there
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural form of be are does not seem to agree with the singular subject huge amount. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge

The noun phrase huge amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount of information will be accessed in the form of electronic devices,
thus
making
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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redundant. As an illustration, thanks to screens and the filming techniques, everyone is able to see the animal migration which happens in Africa online.
On the other hand
, including me,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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abroad is essential.
This
is because
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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abroad makes learning
knowledge
more interactive and engaging than TV programs. The reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners

The word leaners doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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who make the trips have more opportunities to immerse themselves into the local atmosphere,
deepens
Change the verb form
deepen

The verb deepens does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the understanding of other traditions.
For example
, there are
huge
Add an article
a huge

The noun phrase huge amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount of holiday-makers who are from
different
Add an article
the different

The noun phrase different area seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas

It seems that area may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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come to Melbourne to study the café culture. They are able to go to local café
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops

It seems that shop may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to appreciate the café, both tasting and smelling, which is something that people who are
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning

The word leaning doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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knowledge
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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online cannot get. In conclusion,
although
there are
Replace the word
various

The word vary doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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vary
Correct your spelling
very

The word vary doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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opinions about whether to go
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
abroad to study
knowledge
is necessary or not. I still strongly believe that travelling is still needed as it could
provides
Change the verb form
provide

The verb provides after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
more different experiences.
Submitted by Esther on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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