In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays, everything is quicker than ever and
this
acceleration
also
reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
in lifestyles. Today's
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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opportunities and advancements in every field, people tend to change their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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and
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
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easily.
Although
it may affect family relations, it makes sense
of keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
pace with life and embrace new opportunities.
This
way, our time will be more valuable and not wasted.
This
is why I found
this
situation beneficial in every respect. First of all, it is a fact that when you structure your permanent lifestyle with a family, it is harder to abandon where you live or your job because every decision you make
also
interests others to whom you are attached and
restrict
Correct subject-verb agreement
restricts
show examples
your freedom. Indeed, if you want to change your
even
Rephrase
apply
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department
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work, you will have second thoughts because vest amount of elements may depend on you
such
as location or salary in the family.
For instance
, some occupations in Turkey request to
moving
Wrong verb form
move from
show examples
city to city regularly
such
as soldiers and judges which
is making
Wrong verb form
makes
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it so hard for a soldier's family to be acquainted with neighbours and
having
Wrong verb form
have
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a permanent layout.
On the other hand
, advancements in technology and communication allow us to socialise with people on the other side of the world and even we are influenced by them or other lifestyles in social media.
Therefore
, classic job defining or steps in lifepaths are mostly abandoned and substituted with quick and sudden changes.
For instance
,so many people are influencers as a career on social media with university diplomas from medicine or law which couldn't be imagined in the past.
To conclude
, sudden changes in life may seem
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
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due to
affecting folks around us.
However
, developments in every field make it possible to
getting
Change the form of the verb
get
show examples
closer to our dreams as freer and act
according to
our wishes compared with decades ago.
Submitted by bilgekapusuzoglu on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak and lacks clarity. The introduction and conclusion are present, but require more development to effectively bookend the essay. The main points lack strong supporting evidence and coherence is lacking in several areas. Develop a clear, well-structured argument with stronger supporting examples.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt but the ideas lack clarity and coherence. There is an attempt to present relevant examples but they are not well-connected to the main points. Focus on providing a clear and comprehensive argument that effectively addresses the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • geographic separation
  • economic advancement
  • technological advancements
  • face-to-face interactions
  • egalitarian structures
  • gender roles
  • traditional roles
  • work demands
  • financial stability
  • access to education
  • healthcare
  • cultural shifts
  • traditions
  • cultural identity
  • family heritage
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