IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In many countries, smoking tobacco has been banned by law, while others ignore this idea. We will discuss both sides of the discussion and give a concluding view?

#countries #tobacco #law #idea #discussion
On the one hand, those who support smoking
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 in social places cite health issues because
smoke
 contains hazardous substances that cause cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. It has vital importance, especially for those who do not
smoke
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because secondhand
smoke
 has more adverse health effects than firsthand
smoke
. Evidence from many studies shows that most victims of tobacco-related diseases are a nonsmoker. These people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
range from children to pregnant women and elders.
Moreover
, many people
disgust
Wrong verb form
are disgusted
show examples
cigarettes
Change preposition
with cigarettes
show examples
 in the public community. It means smokers should respect the
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 of others.
Also
, youths and children tend to try or addict to smoking unconsciously by seeing public places smoking.
On the other hand
, opponents of
such
law
Correct article usage
a law
show examples
 cite some benefits that
this
 can bring to a person and state.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 some countries, the state budget mainly consisted of
smoke
 production. An example can be seen in Chinese provinces that are solely dependent on
smoke
 production. Forbidding
smoke
 leads to economic difficulties in
such
 regions.
Furthermore
, it is argued that consuming things that give pleasure is a matter of freedom.
Overall
, I would tend to side with the supporters of enacting laws on smoking. It seems to be a valuable decision for health. Even if some countries make profits from
smoke
 import, in the future, maybe it would equate with expenditures for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: