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Writing Samples
Band 6

Government should control the amount of violence in film and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crimes in society. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #film #television #decrease #level #crimes #society
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Movies
Use synonyms
 and television programs nowadays tend to use exciting and fierce
scenes
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 which usually contain
violence
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 to attract
audience's
Correct article usage
the audience's
show examples
 attention. I completely agree with the statement that governments should take measures to limit the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of violent plots showing to the public
in
Change preposition
apply
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to help reduce the
crime
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 rate. It seems to me that too much
violence
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 in
movies
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 and TV shows would have a bad influence on the audience.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, numerous children and teenagers are vulnerable and immature that they are not able to judge whether the activities performed in mass media are right. By inhabiting violent characters in film and TV works, juveniles are more likely to imitate the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 of those characters and have difficulty distinguishing reality from fantasy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people who are unsatisfied with their lives may believe things can be solved by
violence
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 which can lead to the instability of society. As an illustration, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 numerous news about criminals imitating the
crime
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scenes
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 they have seen on TV or in
movies
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that unlimited
crime
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scenes
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 may make people become accustomed to negativity. We are exposed on a regular basis to stories about war,
crime
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, revenge in
movies
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 and on other mass media. In my opinion,
such
Linking Words
 repeated exposure gradually desensitizes people, and we become more cynical about the world and have lower empathy and less kindness.
For example
Linking Words
, constantly watching excessive
scenes
Use synonyms
 of
explosion
Fix the agreement mistake
explosions
show examples
 or shooting battles can lead to less sympathy that if we see a real shooting incident happen in our life, we would feel numb and not blame the perpetrator.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to a higher
crime
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 rate. In conclusion, I think it is necessary for governments to control the
violence
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 showing in mass media as a way to reduce
violence
Use synonyms
 in society.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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