It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #aunts #uncles #grandparents #child’s #upbringing #parents

Nowadays, raising

children

in the right way is one of the concern problems

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. While some people argued that members in the extended family could contribute to

develop

Change the verb form

developing

show examples

children

’s upbringing than only

parents

, I personally agree with

this

point of view. On the one hand,

parents

are the main responsible for the care and upbringing of their

children

, so they can teach their

child

enrich

Add the particle

to enrich

show examples

their academic

knowledge

and lifestyle according to available experience. To illustrate

this

point, some

parents

could teach greeting culture and

knowledge

in academic books, but they unable to help their

kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

show examples

explore the variety of

knowledge

in other fields.

In contrast

parents

devote a huge amount of time to work rather than stay with their

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

That is

the reason a few

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

experience feelings of loneliness and isolation, which lead them to limit

the

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their

show examples

ability to study in the future.

On the other hand

, I believe that the all of members

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show examples

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

could help

children

’s

knowledge

develop effectively in both academic and real life.

Firstly

children

could learn how to respect the older and enhance

knowledge

about valuable different traditions in the past from their grandparents.

This

is because they have more experience living in the

longtime

Correct your spelling

long time

show examples

as well as the way to raising their kid, so elders could spend their time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

caring and teaching

children

about lifestyle

knowledge

which they are unable to study at school.

Moreover

, the other relatives

such

as aunts and uncles

also

support

child

education to en broader their

hoziron

Correct your spelling

hot iron

in various aspects.

For example

uncles

Change the noun form

uncle

show examples

is a doctor who can help their

child

understand the basic

knowledge

to improve their mental and physical health when they were young.

Therefore

, the whole family play a crucial role in

child’s

Correct article usage

a child’s

show examples

upbringing because each individual could bring benefit for

children

in their own way. In conclusion,

although

arents

Correct your spelling

parents

show examples

can help their

children

develop, I think they can not spend enough time and effort to help

children

develop at their best. The whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents will help develop more comprehensively in the future.

Submitted by minhkhoi1099 on Tue Jul 13 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

349 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

multigenerational households
emotional and social development
rounded upbringing
valuable life skills
cultural traditions
heritage preservation
broad support network
psychological health
excessive interference
practical support
child-rearing
deeply rooted tradition
cultural context

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It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is i some children spent hourt the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

You forgot an item of clothing at the hotel where you stayed recently. Write a letter to the hotel manager and include the following: – When did you stay and in what room? – Describe the item you left behind. – What would you like the manager to do about it?