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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In recent times, there is no denying the fact that in some countries
students
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 prefer they live with their
peers
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 during the study period.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that living at
home
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 with their family, there is
also
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 an argument that living with family may cause a lot of problems during their studies. Living with
peers
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while
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 they are studying, is an essential topic to discuss and analyze.
This
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 essay aims to discuss the merits and demerits of living at
home
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while
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 studying at university and express my opinion. On the one hand, there are many distinctive advantages of living at
home
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while
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 studying at university. There have been immense advances in living in the same accommodation with their
peers
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. First of all, some
students
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 believe in the role of living with their family at the same
home
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 they increase their production and concentration during the studying period,
due to
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 family support and pushing them to complete their
study
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studies
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 with good grades.
In other words
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, living at
home
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 with their family leads to fewer responsibilities, which will motivate
students
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 to focus on their studies.
For example
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, when my brother studied abroad, he faced many challenges with the monthly
bills
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 and his performance dropped.
On the other hand
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, there are many disadvantages of living away from
home
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 during university studies. One of them is that
students
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 have to pay their
bills
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such
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 as rent
bills
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 and electric
bills
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, which will make them depressed
due to
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 financial obligations.
Moreover
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,
students
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 will be isolated and feel lonely without their families,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will impact their performance in a negative way. These are the major reasons which analyze why a vast number of
students
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 prefer to live with their families. In conclusion, there
is
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are
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 no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, it is likely to produce many negative effects
while
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 they are studying away from their
home
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 and family. Ultimately,
students
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 who live with their families have good energy and
due to
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 surrounded by their family and
peers
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments and ideas are clearly linked so that the essay flows more logically. While you've structured your essay with clear paragraphs, some transitional phrases or linking devices could really enhance the flow between points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. While you included a personal anecdote, more varied examples could add depth.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate your ideas. Some points, such as the benefits or drawbacks of certain lifestyles, could be explained more comprehensively to show a full understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting out the topic and summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
You successfully identify both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your language is generally clear, and you use some complex sentence structures effectively. This contributes to a fairly advanced writing style.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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