IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in the recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#ownership #phones #years #effects #health #society #governments #measures #work
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In
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few decades, we have observed that there has been an exponential increase in different types of mobile
phones
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 varying between low to high priced ones.
This
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 is had led to an increase in
number
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a number
the number
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 of users of mobile
phones
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 as anyone can own
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Due to the easy access of
this
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 gadget, it has started harming
people
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’s
health
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 and have an adverse impact on society. Some
people
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 think that restricting the ownership of mobile
phones
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 based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessity should be put in action to reduce the harmful effects. But will
this
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 help? There are two sides
of
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to
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 a coin,
likewise
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, there are different arguments from
people
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 who
have
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tohave
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differ
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differences
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 in their opinions. Many
people
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 like to own mobiles as they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 regularly for their work as well as
living
Add an article
the living
a living
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. Right from waking up using an alarm, travelling to
office
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the office
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, ordering meals, teaching their children, booking a dinner table with family, going to bed and playing soft meditation music is done using a mobile phone which makes
people
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’s life easier.
However
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, over usage of any technology has its own consequences. For the one who relies
for
Change preposition
on
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 every small task on their mobile
phones
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, they become
addictive
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addicted
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 to its usage. The necessary screen time they spend on their work desktops versus the time spent on looking at the phone screen is not balanced by
people
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.
This
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 results in
health
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 problems and
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Change the verb form
increases
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress level. The excess use of
phones
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 leads to eye pain, frequent headaches, lack of sleep etc. which in turn deteriorate
people
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’s
health
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 from
young
Add an article
a young
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 age. To sum up, I believe that there should be some restrictions imposed on the ownership of mobile
phones
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 by age group that would probably help children or youngsters to live a healthy life until the point they go for their higher studies or start working.
However
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, as adults can help to plan things for their children and manage multiple things, they should have the right to use mobile
phones
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, but they should
also
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 consider the impact of its excessive usage on their
health
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 too.
Submitted by shital.sol05 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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