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Band 5

Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in the recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#ownership #phones #years #effects #health #society #governments #measures #work
In
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few decades, we have observed that there has been an exponential increase in different types of mobile
phones
 varying between low to high priced ones.
This
 is had led to an increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of users of mobile
phones
 as anyone can own
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Due to the easy access of
this
 gadget, it has started harming
people
’s
health
 and have an adverse impact on society. Some
people
 think that restricting the ownership of mobile
phones
 based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessity should be put in action to reduce the harmful effects. But will
this
 help? There are two sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a coin,
likewise
, there are different arguments from
people
 who
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
differ
Replace the word
differences
show examples
 in their opinions. Many
people
 like to own mobiles as they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 regularly for their work as well as
living
Add an article
the living
a living
show examples
. Right from waking up using an alarm, travelling to
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
, ordering meals, teaching their children, booking a dinner table with family, going to bed and playing soft meditation music is done using a mobile phone which makes
people
’s life easier.
However
, over usage of any technology has its own consequences. For the one who relies
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every small task on their mobile
phones
, they become
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to its usage. The necessary screen time they spend on their work desktops versus the time spent on looking at the phone screen is not balanced by
people
.
This
 results in
health
 problems and
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress level. The excess use of
phones
 leads to eye pain, frequent headaches, lack of sleep etc. which in turn deteriorate
people
’s
health
 from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age. To sum up, I believe that there should be some restrictions imposed on the ownership of mobile
phones
 by age group that would probably help children or youngsters to live a healthy life until the point they go for their higher studies or start working.
However
, as adults can help to plan things for their children and manage multiple things, they should have the right to use mobile
phones
, but they should
also
 consider the impact of its excessive usage on their
health
 too.
Submitted by shital.sol05 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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