IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Thus it’s the governments’ responsibility to ban alcohol and tobacco as they are addictive substances and harmful.How do you feel about this approach? do you agree or disagree ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, the amount of addictive people from alcohol, tobacco or both is increasing.
However
Linking Words
, it is the government's responsibility to ensure the safety of the nation, some people say that addictive substances should be banned from society. I strongly agree that banning it is not the best way to solve the problems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the natural habit of humans is curiosity;
hence
Linking Words
 interdicting the addictive substance will make more curiosity of some to try it. In my view, addictive substances don't have only drawbacks but they can be beneficial; in
this
Linking Words
 case, some drug addicts can help in medical ways.
For instance
Linking Words
, cannabis, morphine surface or methadone inappropriate average.
Also
Linking Words
, some individuals need alcohol to help them sleep easily and
also
Linking Words
 be an entertainment drink that much help people who have to face terrible all day.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it can make the greatest income for countries;
such
Linking Words
 as Asahi a famous alcoholic in Japan and Johney Walker popular whiskey from Scotland
that is
Linking Words
 worldwide today. It can develop another essential section of the land;
in particular
Linking Words
: education, transportation and wealth countries. In fact, the income of a country from import tax from any country that orders the alcohol.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as humans know addictive substance is a disadvantage for health and others in society alternatively can be an advantage too.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the duty of the government to establish comprehensive laws to control citizens and addictive substances, with the ages of persons, times and places for sale to minimize errors.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay specifically addresses all aspects of the prompt. In your essay, while you presented a good structure, it lacked full engagement with the pros and cons or alternatives to banning addictive substances.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs, making sure that each point naturally leads to the next. It will help if you link ideas more explicitly with cohesive devices.
task response
Provide a more in-depth explanation with examples that directly support your main ideas. This will strengthen the arguments presented.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which set the stage and wrap up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are quite comprehensive and address the question with a balanced approach.
task achievement
You consider some positive aspects of addictive substances that aren't typically highlighted, like their economic contribution and medical use.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: