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Band 8

there are many different types of music in the world today. why do we need music? is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Various
types
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 of
music
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 have been made increasingly worldwide and accessible in recent years. It is an undeniable fact that
music
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 is indispensable to our lives for a number of reasons. Whether it is traditional or international, both
music
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 genres play an integral part in today's society.
However
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, most
people
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 argue that traditional
music
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 is neglected and must given more importance.
To begin
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 with, the role of
music
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 in human lives is comparatively pivotal and direct.
Firstly
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, it is completely clear that
music
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 prevents negative and unwanted feelings in many aspects of life.
For instance
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, those who often get strained and troubled at work can ease their minds with the help of
music
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.
Secondly
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,
music
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 plays a vital and huge part in festivals, performances, and events. Without
music
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, a show could be extremely unfulfilled and dried
due to
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 the lack of sounds and symphonies.
Finally
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,
music
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 has connected
people
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 all around the world as a sense of unity.
For example
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, the One Love Manchester concert by Ariana Grande in collaboration with a number of A-list stars has shown the unprecedented power of
music
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 in healing and empowering
people
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 to stand strong after the tragic terrorist attack in Manchester.
Therefore
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,
music
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 can be concluded to have a giant impact on the general public.
Nevertheless
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, traditional and international
music
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 have been recently judged and compared in order to find out which one is more important.
Although
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 both
music
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types
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 are preferred and listened to the same extent, it can be seen that traditional
music
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 is more cardinal than global ones.
In other words
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, undoubtedly some
types
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 of
music
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 prevail across different countries, like pop
music
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.
However
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, these
types
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 of international
music
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 lack a sense of cultural identity and historical background, and they can be effortlessly replicated by changing some elements.
In contrast
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, traditional
music
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 involves authors' clear emotions toward cultural traditions and deep reflection on the current situation of their country. An obvious example of
this
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 is a traditional nursery rhyme which is designed to express warm wishes for children's happy childhoods and prosperous futures. in conclusion,
people
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 need
music
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 in everyday life and I strongly believe that the role of traditional
music
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 should be valued more than that of international
music
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.

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task achievement
Ensure your main points are supported with strong examples or explanations. For instance, explaining further how traditional music fosters cultural identity can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Watch for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as capitalizing the first word in your sentences, especially in the conclusion. This helps make your essay look polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and logically presented, making the overall reading experience smooth and coherent.
task achievement
The examples you included, such as the Manchester concert, effectively illustrate the power and influence of music.
task achievement
Your argument about traditional music having cultural and historical significance is well-stated and compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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