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Writing Samples
Band 6

Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #mixture #peoples #country
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As time goes by, it is true that the world has been becoming more various of different nations
people
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 who have their own culture and point of view. Though sometimes it is inevitable not to accept those
people
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 for some
countries
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, overall the disadvantages outweigh the advantages for many reasons. On one hand, in a
country
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such
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 as America, which has already a long history of accepting migrants from all over the world, there are obvious benefits from it.
For example
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, thanks to the lenient policy toward those who were from other
countries
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, the USA has become one of the best dream
countries
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 for many ambitious foreigners to live in. By absorbing a lot of competitive skilled
people
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 from abroad, nobody can deny that it is one of the strongest driving forces that can make the US the most powerful nation in the world.
Also
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, it is a well-known fact that as the well-settled social atmosphere in the
country
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, generally American
people
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 do not mind being with those who have different skin colours or cultures.
In other words
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, because they have open-minded about different ethnic
people
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, they usually respect others even though they have totally different thinking
such
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 as religion, culture and even gender while the
people
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 in the
country
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 that has the same ethnic
people
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 tend to feel uncomfortable due to the lack of familiarity.
As a result
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,
this
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 tendency would attract more
people
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 to the
country
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several expectable drawbacks that should be considered. Unlike the
country
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 that was mentioned above, most
countries
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 haven't yet prepared to welcoming immigrants from other nations. Though they have no choice but to accept migrants due to problems
such
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 as the low birthrate or the lack of workforce, still it would not be a wise decision unless
people
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's attitude toward newcomers is changed from hostility to open-mindedness. Considering the tendency that generally nation
people
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 do not welcome those who have different backgrounds, it might lead to severe conflicts if the government didn't prepare for it enough in advance.
In addition
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, it would be time-consuming to educate the public about the different kinds of
people
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 and there are possibilities that the
people
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 from abroad sometimes could be misunderstood due to the shallow understanding of their culture in the
country
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. Once
this
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 kind of
occasion
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an occasion
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 is piled up, even the trustworthy toward the government could be devastated by the national public, which makes it difficult to unite the
country
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 perfectly. To sum up, except few occasions, since most
countries
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 have not yet been settled well for those who are from abroad, it would cause negative results, which means nobody can be sure about the wide range of cultures'
country
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.
Submitted by ggg on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural diversity
  • economic prosperity
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • cultural assimilation
  • ethnic diversity
  • cultural exchange
  • global influence
  • inclusive governance
What to do next:
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