IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #mixture #peoples #country
As time goes by, it is true that the world has been becoming more various of different nations
people
 who have their own culture and point of view. Though sometimes it is inevitable not to accept those
people
 for some
countries
, overall the disadvantages outweigh the advantages for many reasons. On one hand, in a
country
such
 as America, which has already a long history of accepting migrants from all over the world, there are obvious benefits from it.
For example
, thanks to the lenient policy toward those who were from other
countries
, the USA has become one of the best dream
countries
 for many ambitious foreigners to live in. By absorbing a lot of competitive skilled
people
 from abroad, nobody can deny that it is one of the strongest driving forces that can make the US the most powerful nation in the world.
Also
, it is a well-known fact that as the well-settled social atmosphere in the
country
, generally American
people
 do not mind being with those who have different skin colours or cultures.
In other words
, because they have open-minded about different ethnic
people
, they usually respect others even though they have totally different thinking
such
 as religion, culture and even gender while the
people
 in the
country
 that has the same ethnic
people
 tend to feel uncomfortable due to the lack of familiarity.
As a result
,
this
 tendency would attract more
people
 to the
country
.
On the other hand
, there are several expectable drawbacks that should be considered. Unlike the
country
 that was mentioned above, most
countries
 haven't yet prepared to welcoming immigrants from other nations. Though they have no choice but to accept migrants due to problems
such
 as the low birthrate or the lack of workforce, still it would not be a wise decision unless
people
's attitude toward newcomers is changed from hostility to open-mindedness. Considering the tendency that generally nation
people
 do not welcome those who have different backgrounds, it might lead to severe conflicts if the government didn't prepare for it enough in advance.
In addition
, it would be time-consuming to educate the public about the different kinds of
people
 and there are possibilities that the
people
 from abroad sometimes could be misunderstood due to the shallow understanding of their culture in the
country
. Once
this
 kind of
occasion
Add an article
an occasion
show examples
 is piled up, even the trustworthy toward the government could be devastated by the national public, which makes it difficult to unite the
country
 perfectly. To sum up, except few occasions, since most
countries
 have not yet been settled well for those who are from abroad, it would cause negative results, which means nobody can be sure about the wide range of cultures'
country
.
Submitted by ggg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: