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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

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Many people buy lots of
toys
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 for their
kids
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.
While
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this
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 can be beneficial in stimulating the child’s development, an oversupply of
toys
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 can just as much cause children to lose concentration and
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additionally
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additionally,
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 they start taking the many
toys
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 for granted. On the one hand, buying many different
toys
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 for children may be a great way to encourage a child’s cognitive and fine motor development. Especially educational
toys
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 are a fantastic way to teach a child basic skills
such
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 as recognising the alphabet and numbers, or training hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.
For example
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, a child who has a variety of
toys
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 that teach familiarity with numbers may find it easier to understand basic numeracy
at
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in
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 primary school. The downside of an oversupply of
toys
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 is that
kids
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 can quickly become overstimulated
and
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apply
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lose interest and even become frustrated. If there are too many items to choose from, young children find it hard to pick something and stick to it for a
while
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. Their self-initiated play may
also
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 become compromised as they learn to expect items to entertain them and don’t get much practice using their imagination.
For instance
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, after a birthday party with lots of gifts, my daughter usually only plays with the new items for a day or two before getting bored with them. She has a few
toys
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 that she loves dearly and will play with time and again. On balance, it can be said that
while
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kids
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 who are surrounded by lots of
toys
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, might find
this
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 beneficial in many learning aspects, the arguments against having too many
toys
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 outweigh the position. Too many
toys
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 will leave the
kids
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 distracted and unable to concentrate and might
subsequently
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 have longer-term consequences for their learning.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly states its main idea at the beginning for better clarity. This allows readers to quickly grasp the main point of each section.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Include a few more examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points further.
task achievement
The essay effectively outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of children having many toys, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of educational toys and personal anecdote about the daughter, enriches the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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