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Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
In today's world, there are more and more elderly
people
 and it is argued that society has to care for them.
This
 essay will discuss whether it is possible to cope with
increased
Add an article
an increased
the increased
show examples
number
 of old citizens and how it can be managed.
To begin
 with, it can be clearly observed that there are a
lot
 of resources and developments to treat diseases so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity
Replace the word
human
show examples
 is able to cope with a
lot
 of elderly
people
.
This
 is
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact that there are a
lot
 of new technologies and inventions in the sphere of medicine.
Therefore
, professional treatment and affordability will allow
to respond
Change the verb form
responding
show examples
 to a large
number
 of enquiries in hospitals.
For example
, in Ukraine, due to improvements in
technologies
Add a comma
,technologies
show examples
 the speed of response in hospitals has increased by 20%.
Moreover
, the capacity of medicine and health care can be
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 by
cencouraging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 more teenagers to apply to these degrees and by encouraging inventions and development in
this
 sphere.
This
 is due to the fact that the government is able to subsidise the learning for students and invest
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new technologies.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care will be improved and all
people
 who need a cure will be able to receive it.
For instance
, when the Ukrainian state introduced
Add an article
a subsidy
show examples
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 for medicine postgraduates the
number
 of students has increased by 20%. Eventually, to conclude,in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly
people
 today since there are a
lot
 of modern advancements in
this
 sphere.
Furthermore
, the
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
 can subsidise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and inventions so there will e even more opportunities and possibilitie4s and the ability to respond to
increased
Add an article
an increased
the increased
show examples
number
 of old patients.
Submitted by veronika-glinka on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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