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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increases. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #increases #control #society
Punishments are essential to control violence in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Punishment
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
show examples
 trust, safety and justice in the minds of the people. The trust of people
on
Change preposition
in
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 the law and order of the country increases when proper
punishment
 is given to the culprit. When it comes to giving capital
punishment
 (the death penalty) to ensure the security of our lives and to stop the increase in
crimes
 of violence, I partially agree with
this
 approach. Sentencing capital
punishment
 for serious
crimes
 like murder, rape, terrorism may stop the increase in that
crimes
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
to
 some extent but not completely. It will help in increasing the fear in the minds of criminals before
comitting
Correct your spelling
committing
 any
crimes
. It will
also
 help in gaining the trust of the people on the constitution of
country
Add an article
the country
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
to
 some extent.
Also
, to keep criminals in a prison requires
a
Remove the article
apply
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proper investment in the infrastructure by the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
. Sentencing
the
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apply
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capital
punishment
 to
the
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apply
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criminals will help in saving that money and
to invest
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investing
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 it in other development projects of the country.
On the other hand
, the morals like non-violence, tolerance and mercy will be ridiculed by sentencing capital
punishment
 to the culprits. Every man has two lives and the
second
 starts when he realises, he only has one. Sentencing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
 won't give the man any chance of self-realization of his mistakes and to start living a better
life
 after the self-realization. The aim of
punishment
 must not be only to take the
life
 of
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
 for his deeds, but it should
also
 be to grant and spare the
life
 of a criminal in order to give
hima
Correct your spelling
him a
him
 chance to improve and live a better
life
. It is important to keep morals like mercy, non-violence and tolerance in mind while sentencing
punishment
 to
culprit
Add an article
the culprit
show examples
. at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it is important to ensure that the tolerance of the law must not be entitled as its weakness and capital
punishment
 must be sentenced when it is entitled so.
Submitted by acciolbis on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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