IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The best way to reduce crime amongst young people is to teach parents good parenting skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #people #parents #skills
The graph of crimes is on the increase nowadays. These crimes are mostly committed by youngsters, which is definitely a matter of great concern. Many people claim that
this
 is the result of bad parenting as parents are ignorant of their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 activities.
However
, I disagree with the aforementioned statement and will discuss the same in
this
 essay. In today’s
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 society plays an important role in forming an individual’s mindset. Youth learn their behaviour from their surroundings.
Present
Add an article
The present
show examples
 generation is exposed to various exploitative content on social media and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
such
 as aggressive video games, pornography, crime shows and
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 more. I believe even movies encourage social evils as they project lead cast murdering people in name of revenge and take law in their hands which portrays them as heroic.
Huge
Change the article
A huge
The huge
show examples
 number of youth is getting involved in illegal intoxication because cinema has depicted that taking alcohol and drugs is a casual thing. There are many other social factors like unemployment, peer pressure, poverty that persuade youngsters to involve in crimes. In conclusion, I would say that parents can only inculcate good values in their children and influence them to a certain extent. While there are other influential factors in an individual’s life
such
 as bad company, society, social media and one’s own personal choices which plays a major role in shaping youth’s mentality. No parents want their children to be criminals and they always show them
virtuous
Add an article
the virtuous
a virtuous
show examples
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
.
Hence
 it would be wrong to say that only good parenting skills can help reduce the crime rates of young offenders.
Submitted by tarsemsandhu6275 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: