Some people say schools should be responsible for teaching young adults to look after their health, others think this is not the responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #adults #health #responsibility

To begin

, these days few individuals think that teaching young adults is the responsibility of the academy,

instead

, others believe

this

is not an amenability to the institution. I partially disagree with

this

statement

then

I will discuss my views in detail in upcoming paragraphs.

However

, it is most important to teach well-being education in institutions because offspring start their lives with their first education in the kids' institution.

Moreover

, they are awareness regarding to nutritional studies

then

they will choose appropriate foods to eat. Nowadays, diet-related illnesses and childhood obesity are increasing very rapidly because adults do not know about healthy foods and they eat most of the time junk foods.

Also

, people who live sedentary lifestyles

then

create well-being problems

such

as hypertension and cholesterol.

For instance

, studies have proven in the

last

few years that well-being issues create an alarming rate in adolescents and offspring.

Nevertheless

, mental health education

also

is necessary to teach in academies because most adolescents are victims of depression these days as well physical fitness is important for the youth and leads to a better life

then

they can do yoga in their daily lives.

Furthermore

, many platforms give wrong information related to fitness in various online gadgets and adults adopt some remedies

then

they can create energy problems.

For example

, a few children are victims of strength issues

due to

watching an online health program

then

this

platform has been suspended, it is written in the latest news article. In conclusion, the public proposes that academies are responsible for the health of children but others have the opposite of

this

argument. In my opinion, the government could make mandatory subjects related to strength in all schools and colleges.

Submitted by psingh8059 on Sun Mar 10 2024

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task achievement

Ensure introduction clearly states your opinion. The introduction's stance is slightly confusing - focus on a clear thesis statement.

coherence cohesion

Work on topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea. This helps the reader understand the focus immediately.

coherence cohesion

Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, followed by explanation and specific examples. Some paragraphs mix ideas which can confuse the reader.

task achievement

Include more specific and varied examples to support your points. Real-world statistics, studies or personal anecdotes enhance credibility and interest.

task achievement

Avoid repetition of words and phrases ('well-being', 'academies'). Use synonyms to improve the range of vocabulary and make the essay more engaging.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Nutritional education
Childhood obesity
Diet-related illnesses
Physical fitness
Sedentary lifestyles
Mental health education
Destigmatize
Coping mechanisms
Lifestyle choices
Information overload
Holistic approach
Well-rounded individuals

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Some people say schools should be responsible for teaching young adults to look after their health, others think this is not the responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+