Some people say schools should be responsible for teaching young adults to look after their health, others think this is not the responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
To begin
, these days few individuals think that teaching young adults is the responsibility of the academy, instead
, others believe this
is not an amenability to the institution. I partially disagree with this
statement then
I will discuss my views in detail in upcoming paragraphs.
However
, it is most important to teach well-being education in institutions because offspring start their lives with their first education in the kids' institution. Moreover
, they are awareness regarding to nutritional studies then
they will choose appropriate foods to eat. Nowadays, diet-related illnesses and childhood obesity are increasing very rapidly because adults do not know about healthy foods and they eat most of the time junk foods. Also
, people who live sedentary lifestyles then
create well-being problems such
as hypertension and cholesterol. For instance
, studies have proven in the last
few years that well-being issues create an alarming rate in adolescents and offspring.
Nevertheless
, mental health education also
is necessary to teach in academies because most adolescents are victims of depression these days as well physical fitness is important for the youth and leads to a better life then
they can do yoga in their daily lives. Furthermore
, many platforms give wrong information related to fitness in various online gadgets and adults adopt some remedies then
they can create energy problems. For example
, a few children are victims of strength issues due to
watching an online health program then
this
platform has been suspended, it is written in the latest news article.
In conclusion, the public proposes that academies are responsible for the health of children but others have the opposite of this
argument. In my opinion, the government could make mandatory subjects related to strength in all schools and colleges.Submitted by psingh8059 on
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task achievement
Ensure introduction clearly states your opinion. The introduction's stance is slightly confusing - focus on a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea. This helps the reader understand the focus immediately.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, followed by explanation and specific examples. Some paragraphs mix ideas which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to support your points. Real-world statistics, studies or personal anecdotes enhance credibility and interest.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of words and phrases ('well-being', 'academies'). Use synonyms to improve the range of vocabulary and make the essay more engaging.