IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Task 2 It is argued that most
people
Use synonyms
 would rather not involve themselves in physical activities despite
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 contribution to their health.
This
Linking Words
 could be
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of laziness and lack of
time
Use synonyms
, which I believe can be resolved with proper education.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 do not exercise because they are lazy and do not have
time
Use synonyms
 as a luxury to make working out a part of their routine. They prefer to sit around all day doing activities they consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enjoyable like watching TV shows, playing games and so on. They lack the motivation and determination to go to the gym or do a
10 minute
Add a hyphen
10-minute
show examples
 workout. Exercising involves a great amount of determination, motivation, strength and stability;
however
Linking Words
, when most
people
Use synonyms
 think about
this
Linking Words
, they rather sit on their couches.
Also
Linking Words
, most
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
. They work 2-3 jobs a day and every free
time
Use synonyms
 they get is considered a
time
Use synonyms
 for resting. Working out becomes a luxury to
such
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 as a young medical
doctor
Add a comma
,doctor
show examples
 you run a 36 hours shift with no rest in between at a stretch and still continue the normal 12 hours daily shift. By the end of the day, you get physically and mentally drained and all you want to do is rest. In my opinion, educating
people
Use synonyms
 on the importance of working out is one of the ways
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved.
This
Linking Words
 can be done through TV shows, magazines and social media. Making
people
Use synonyms
 understand that a
30 minute
Add a hyphen
30-minute
show examples
work out
Correct your spelling
workout
show examples
 as little as taking evening walks around your estate has great benefits to the heart.
People
Use synonyms
 need to understand that exercise doesn’t have to be vigorous for it to have an impact on health. To summarize, most
individuals
Use synonyms
 tend not to exercise because of their laziness and lack of
time
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 might be true I believe
this
Linking Words
 can be solved by proper education of
such
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: