IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
Task 2 It is argued that most
people
 would rather not involve themselves in physical activities despite
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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good
Add an article
a good
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 contribution to their health.
This
 could be
as
Change preposition
apply
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a result of laziness and lack of
time
, which I believe can be resolved with proper education.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 do not exercise because they are lazy and do not have
time
 as a luxury to make working out a part of their routine. They prefer to sit around all day doing activities they consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enjoyable like watching TV shows, playing games and so on. They lack the motivation and determination to go to the gym or do a
10 minute
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10-minute
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 workout. Exercising involves a great amount of determination, motivation, strength and stability;
however
, when most
people
 think about
this
, they rather sit on their couches.
Also
, most
individuals
 do not have enough
time
. They work 2-3 jobs a day and every free
time
 they get is considered a
time
 for resting. Working out becomes a luxury to
such
individuals
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
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 as a young medical
doctor
Add a comma
,doctor
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 you run a 36 hours shift with no rest in between at a stretch and still continue the normal 12 hours daily shift. By the end of the day, you get physically and mentally drained and all you want to do is rest. In my opinion, educating
people
 on the importance of working out is one of the ways
this
 problem can be solved.
This
 can be done through TV shows, magazines and social media. Making
people
 understand that a
30 minute
Add a hyphen
30-minute
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work out
Correct your spelling
workout
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 as little as taking evening walks around your estate has great benefits to the heart.
People
 need to understand that exercise doesn’t have to be vigorous for it to have an impact on health. To summarize, most
individuals
 tend not to exercise because of their laziness and lack of
time
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 might be true I believe
this
 can be solved by proper education of
such
individuals
.
Submitted by ifeluv05 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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