IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is believed by some that
music
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 can unite
people
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 across cultures and ages. I completely agree that
music
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 has an essential role in uniting diversity by offering a universal
language
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 and common ground to connect
people
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 from different backgrounds.
Firstly
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,
music
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 is a form of art which can be passed through years and generations.
Therefore
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, it may create a common ground to unite
people
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 from different backgrounds.
This
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 may be the reason why every country in
this
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world
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 has a
nationality
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national
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 song.
As a result
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, no matter what is someone’s race, religion, age, or economic background, they may feel
as
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apply
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part of a community or nationality because of
music
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. The second reason to consider is that
music
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 evokes a range of emotions that may be translated into melody,
such
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 as joy, sadness, nostalgia, or excitement. These feelings are a universal
language
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 that may unite
people
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 no matter what their mother
language
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 is. When they share similar responses to a song or a genre, it can create a sense of connection and understanding.
For example
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, Michael Jackson’s Heal The
World
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 is one example of a song that was intentionally made to unite
people
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 across the
world
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. It is written clearly in the lyrics, to bring
people
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’s spirit up to create a greater
world
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 to live in. In conclusion,
music
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 plays an essential role in uniting
people
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 from different backgrounds. It creates a universal
language
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 that closes the cultural or even the age gap by building a sense of emotional connection and understanding.
Submitted by averinasandra on

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coherence cohesion
Expand a bit more on the first point about music creating common ground. Provide an additional specific example to strengthen this argument.
task achievement
Consider mentioning any counterarguments briefly and then refute them to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the writer’s position and sets the stage for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical and clear structure with two main points supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion successfully encapsulate the main points of the essay, providing a coherent and cohesive read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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