IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #lifestyle
There is no doubt that most
people
 have different points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 when they have to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
lifestyle
. While some of them claim that in the modern
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 is difficult to stay healthy, others believe the opposite, that it is easy to stay fit and have a healthful life. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both sides of
this
 argument and explain my support for the latter view. Those who support that having a healthy
lifestyle
 is a difficult task to
be accomplish
Change the verb form
be accomplished
show examples
 in the modern world believe that the main cause of
this
 problem is the amount of time required for
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of activities,
such
 as going out in a gym or preparing healthy food
instead
 of using manufactured meals. A
second
 cause is how expensive going on a diet can be, more and more
people
 are trying to eat healthier,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 the prices of natural products are rising
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an incredible rate, making it difficult for more and
people
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 them. Turning to the other side of the argument, those who claim the opposite, explain that a healthy
lifestyle
 is a personal choice, anyone that
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to travel in that pathway will arrange their time schedule to accomplish their goal.
Although
 many
people
 have to work around eight or more hours per day, a lot of them do plenty of fitness programs before or after their jobs. Recent researches have confirmed that working out is one of the ways for us to stress out,
moreover
, it’s been proved that
people
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 healthy and fit is happier than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sedentary ones.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, it is important to realize the benefits of a healthy
lifestyle
, in my opinion in the modern world it is possible to stay fit and healthy.
Although
 we may
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 that we are in a rush every day, spending time working out or preparing
home-made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 food is possible.
Submitted by abad.nicolass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: