IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
From the perspective of some
people
,
aid
 agencies can take advantage of celebrities’ fame to raise public awareness of certain important matters. Others,
however
, hold the view that
such
 a method may only bring counterproductive results. I find the latter argument more convincing. Those who support the idea of using famed individuals’ assistance have their own justifications.
First
 of all,
people
 who are considered role models have considerable influence on the public. Emma Watson,
for instance
, being a prominent actress, is currently the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations, promoting gender equality and undoubtedly drawing a great deal of
attention
 from her admirers.
Furthermore
, a wider range of population can be reached if an organisation’s campaign is represented by a popular star. In many parts of the world, some film stars are even more well-known to the locals than the organisation itself owing to their appearance in familiar cinematic products.
Therefore
 the introduction of a humanitarian campaign can be
further
 facilitated thanks to the artists.
Nevertheless
, I can understand why other
people
 are against inviting celebrities for assistance. When relying on the fame of some
people
 to attract more public
attention
, an
aid
 programme can
also
 be affected by their scandals. Mass public disapproval may arise from a representative receiving a speeding ticket
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or getting caught using illegal drugs, undervaluing the significance of the
aid
 programme. Another foreseeable drawback is that the public might take the presence of famous entertainers as a mere publicity stunt. Without the evidence of real actions taken to mitigate a problem,
such
 as participating in a voluntary team to help the
people
 in need, famous
people
 may fail to draw the
attention
 of
people
 to the situation. In conclusion, while some
people
 have reasons to believe in the success of celebrities in getting
people
 to pay
attention
, I tend to think that
such
 an approach might not prove to be
effective
Change preposition
as effective
show examples
 for
aid
 organisations as expected.
Submitted by Welkin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
What to do next:
Look at other essays: