IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
Some persons believe that young people should be taught in a more competitive or cooperative way which could influence them to be more capable people as adults. In my opinion, both have their own advantages;
however
, cooperation is more essential than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition. On
one
 hand, cultivating children to be cooperative is
one
 of the required things to teach youngsters because we all live in the same society.
Therefore
, we must interact with each other and work together. Every person of all ages needs cooperative skills to live in a community. It’s not only to help toddlers to learn how to work with others but
also
 to develop their relationships with friends and colleagues.
Moreover
, working as a group may cause arguments due to different opinions between members.
This
 process can provide infants with a practice of controlling their emotions and open their minds to listen to others’ ideas.
On the other hand
, teaching kids to become competitive provides advantages
such
 as making them more creative and motivating them to study hard so they can get into a nice well-known school or get a good grade.
However
, a sense of competitiveness can bring stress and anxiety to adolescents and
also
 being jealous, selfish and mistrust among friends or classmates.
For example
, if there were two best friends and
one
 of them got the highest scores in the class, it was quite normal for the other
one
 to feel undervalued or envious of his friend since competition is inevitable in our lives.
Therefore
, learners should be taught and encouraged to make sure of using a sense of competitiveness in a positive way. Overall, both competitive and cooperative have their own advantages.
Nevertheless
, I strongly agree that cooperation is more quintessential and beneficial than
Add an article
the
show examples
competition because society couldn’t be improved by only the smartest
one
 but everyone’s collaboration.
Submitted by pchetchotsak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: