IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #plant #trees #spaces #towns #cities
Most people think that spreading
trees
 in the public
areas
 in the
city
 is more essential than developing residence
areas
. I do agree with
this
 statement, there are several reasons involved in reducing
air
 pollution and providing open
space
areas
 to families.
Firstly
, the government had a policy of green
areas
 in the town, especially around 30%. The Ministry of Public Works should make good planning for the cities to support a better life for the citizens,
for instance
, one green open
space
 in every
city
. Planting several types of
trees
 which are placed in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the town will increase the drainage system to manage rainwater because the
trees
 are well absorbed.
Besides
, the
trees
 can take the carbon dioxide which results from vehicles or factories in the town into fresh
air
 or oxygen by photosynthesis. The
trees
 will contribute to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
air
 pollution in the
city
 so the score index
air
 quality will reach a green score between (0-50).
Secondly
, the other reason is the government shows their concern for citizens to build beautiful gardens. People can optimalize
this
space
 to meet their relatives, and do some activities
such
 as sports, photography, art, music, and tending to meals and beverages under the
trees
while
 enjoying the wind and fresh
air
.
For example
, one of the developed countries built a huge green public area
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 50 hectares called the Fort Canning Garden. To
be concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
, the Government should plant
trees
 in the centre of the
city
 rather than build apartments because it creates a better
air
 quality index and provides open
space
 for the public to make the citizens happy.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure all main ideas are fully developed. Expand on how public spaces and residential areas can be balanced and why prioritizing trees might be more beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer outline of your essay in the introduction. This will help guide the reader through your argument structure more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your conclusion by briefly summarizing your main points and reiterating how they lead to the final conclusion. This will make your essay’s structure more coherent and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively opening and closing your argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as mentioning Fort Canning Garden, to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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