IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most people think that spreading
trees
Use synonyms
 in the public
areas
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 in the
city
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 is more essential than developing residence
areas
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. I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, there are several reasons involved in reducing
air
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 pollution and providing open
space
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areas
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 to families.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government had a policy of green
areas
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 in the town, especially around 30%. The Ministry of Public Works should make good planning for the cities to support a better life for the citizens,
for instance
Linking Words
, one green open
space
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 in every
city
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. Planting several types of
trees
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 which are placed in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the town will increase the drainage system to manage rainwater because the
trees
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 are well absorbed.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
trees
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 can take the carbon dioxide which results from vehicles or factories in the town into fresh
air
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 or oxygen by photosynthesis. The
trees
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 will contribute to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
air
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 pollution in the
city
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 so the score index
air
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 quality will reach a green score between (0-50).
Secondly
Linking Words
, the other reason is the government shows their concern for citizens to build beautiful gardens. People can optimalize
this
Linking Words
space
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 to meet their relatives, and do some activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, photography, art, music, and tending to meals and beverages under the
trees
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while
Linking Words
 enjoying the wind and fresh
air
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.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the developed countries built a huge green public area
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 50 hectares called the Fort Canning Garden. To
be concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
, the Government should plant
trees
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 in the centre of the
city
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 rather than build apartments because it creates a better
air
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 quality index and provides open
space
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 for the public to make the citizens happy.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure all main ideas are fully developed. Expand on how public spaces and residential areas can be balanced and why prioritizing trees might be more beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer outline of your essay in the introduction. This will help guide the reader through your argument structure more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your conclusion by briefly summarizing your main points and reiterating how they lead to the final conclusion. This will make your essay’s structure more coherent and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively opening and closing your argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as mentioning Fort Canning Garden, to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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