The idea of having a single career is becoming old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

It is often considered that having several jobs make
life
easier and
also
earns
money
at present when compared with
past
Correct article usage
the past

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.
This
statement has both significant reasons which will be
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed

The word dicussed is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in
this
essay.
First
of all, In
this
contemporary era, One's
life
revolves around
money
where finding
job
Correct article usage
a job

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has become difficult. As
population
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the population

The noun phrase population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is increasing day by day, unemployment has inclined all around the globe.
However
, At
this
time, to have a better
life
,
career
Correct article usage
a career

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should be improved.
Moreover
,In the past, As the
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities

The word oppurtunities is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

are more but the
people
who were interested to set their careers are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer

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. At that time,
single
Correct article usage
a single

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job was sufficient to lead a family.
In addition
, Currently, due to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase

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in necessities,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost

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of living
money
plays a key role. So, having two or more
career
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities

The word oppurtunities is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

helps us to improve the way we live.
For instance
, My cousin is working as a coder in a company along with
this
she is
also
Correct your spelling
working

The word woking doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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woking
Correct your spelling
working

The word woking doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in
insurance
Add an article
the insurance
an insurance

The noun phrase insurance company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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company as a part-timer.
Furthermore
, she has both incomes which
helps
Change the verb form
help

The singular verb helps does not appear to agree with the plural subject both incomes. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to
Correct pronoun usage
her to

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have a better
life
in Canada.
Thus
, having two or more jobs in
this
present situation is a great idea. Whereas, It has some disadvantages too that there will be
disturbance
Add an article
a disturbance

The noun phrase disturbance seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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in
work
-
life
balance which leads to problems at home along with
this
concentration towards the
work
decreases.
Although
,
money
makes us happy
but
Remove the conjunction
apply

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

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life
becomes boring as we
focus
more on our
work
rather than developing relations.
For instance
, when we observe affluent families, most
people
are busy with their
work
in which relations between the parents and children will get
Correct your spelling
affected

The word effected doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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effected
Correct your spelling
affected

The word effected doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. They mostly
focus
on their careers rather than developing the attachments between the family members. While
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction While. Consider removing the comma.

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some
people
focus
on education too along with the
career
which is
also
better idea where it helps to develop in their jobs. Despite
this
, education does not
Correct your spelling
affect

The word effect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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effect
Correct your spelling
affect

The word effect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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one's
career
as it helps to improve the future. In conclusion, At present,
career
is crucial but along with
this
health is
also
important. So,
People
who are stable mentally and good
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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multitasking can
focus
on maintaining two careers in their
life
whereas, it does not suit
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
people
who can concentrate on the only
work
.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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