Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, certain kids spend a lot of

time

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on mobile devices. I think

this

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is a negative development since it does not contribute to the future and present well-being of a

child

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Additionally

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, it adversely affects their mental and physical health. I elaborate on my reasons in the following essay.

Firstly

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, when a

child

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uses a smartphone to play

video

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games

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or similar activities, it may have harmful effects

due to

Linking Words

the abuse or aggression present in

such

Linking Words

games

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. When children face these scenarios, they can become nervous and anxious.

As a result

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, their future well-being can deteriorate.

For example

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, I have a cousin who plays a lot of

video

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games

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, which has caused significant problems for his mental health. He developed anxiety and

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

unable to focus on his studies.

Secondly

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, it is evident that if a

child

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uses a smartphone excessively, it creates issues because they often substitute valuable study

time

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for smartphone use, which can hinder their academic future. Children should ideally spend their

time

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studying, and if they play

games

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, these should be educational to assist in their learning.

Moreover

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, excessive use of smartphones can damage their eyes and vision.

For instance

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, there is a

child

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in my

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

who plays

video

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games

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all the

time

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Consequently

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, he developed eyesight problems and now needs to wear glasses. In conclusion, some children spend all their

time

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playing

video

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games

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and using smartphones. I believe that the use of gadgets

such

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as smartphones and tablets represents a negative development.

mkhdermani

Oct 28, 2024

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task achievement

Strengthen the introduction by briefly outlining the structure of the essay before diving into main points.

coherence and cohesion

Try to vary sentence structures and lengths to enhance readability and engagement.

task achievement

Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.

task achievement

Clear and consistent argumentation throughout the essay.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant and specific examples, which effectively support the main points.

coherence and cohesion

Logical progression and connection between ideas and paragraphs.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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