IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #assistance #kinds #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money
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NOWADAYS, MOST OF THE society DO NOT LIKE TO PURSUE THEIR FUTURE IN
THR
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THE
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 ART FIELD. IT IS NOT WORTHWHILE FOR THEM
THAT IS
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 BELIEVED BY SOME community.
NEVERTHELESS
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, OTHER THINKS THAT AUTHORITY SHOULD ASSIST ALL TYPES OF inventor
SUCH
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 AS PAINTER, POETS,ETC. THESE VIEWS WILL BE ELABORATED ON IN THE SUBSEQUENT PARAGRAPHS. THERE ARE A PLETHORA OF REASONS WHY
union
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UNION
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 SHOULD GIVE MONEY TO composer BECAUSE IT HELPS TO PRESERVE CULTURE AND HISTORY. IF
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THE crowd
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crowd
Capitalize word
Crowd
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 DO NOT TAKE ANY INTEREST IN ARTS
THEN
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 IT WILL DISAPPEAR VERY SOON. GIVING MORE JOB OPPORTUNITIES TO
AID
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ENCOURAGE TO NEW GENERATION ABOUT ARTWORK.
FOR EXAMPLE
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, MOST OF THE folk IN INDIA STARTING TO WORK IN ART FIELD SO GOVERNMENT SUPPORT THEM IN DIFFERENT WAYS LIKE PROVIDING LONE TO THEM WHICH IS THE MAJOR BENEFIT FOR ARTIST.
HOWEVER
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, INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE THAT GOVERNMENT SHOULD NOT SUPPORT TO ART WORKERS.
DUE TO
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 OTHER SERIOUS ISSUES WHICH ARE MORE VITAL. THEY SHOULD ALLOCATE MONEY TO THE HEALTH SYSTEM. IN
THIS
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 MODERN EPOCH, THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE CANNOT AFFORD HEALTH EXPENSES. OWING TO
THIS
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, THEY WILL LOST THEIR LIFE .
MOREOVER
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, MONEY SHOULD BE
SPEND
Wrong verb form
SPENT
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 ON EDUCATION BY LAW SO MORE PEOPLE
ACQUIRING
Wrong verb form
ACQUIRE
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 QUALITY
OF
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ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE.
AS A RESULT
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,THEY WILL EASILY GET JOBS IN FUTURE IF THEY HAVE ANY SKILLS.
ACCORDING TO
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 A SURVEY WHICH WAS HELD IN THE NEWSPAPER 70% OF PEOPLE UNEMPLOYED WHO DID NOT HAVE ANY SKILL.
TO CONCLUDE
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,
ALTHOUGH
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 WITHOUT ARTISTS IT CANNOT BE POSSIBLE TO SAVE THE CULTURE AND WITHOUT GIVING EXTRA FACILITIES TO THEM, OTHER PROBLEMS ARE MORE SERIOUS LIKE LACK OF HEALTH SERVICE AND ACADEMIC FACILITIES. IN MY POINT OF VIEW THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD PROVIDE FUNDS FOR ARTISTS SO THEY CANNOT CONFRONT ANY ISSUE IN THEIR LIFE.
Submitted by SUMAN on

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Task Response
Overall, the essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on government assistance to artists. It would be helpful to provide more specific and varied examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure with more distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint. Ensure that each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the main idea.
Task Response
Addresses both views on government support for artists
Task Response
Attempts to provide examples to support arguments

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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