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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some feel that good entertainers are as important to society as scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #entertainers #society #scientists
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Entertainment
Add an article
The entertainment
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 industry seems to be one of the most lucrative industries in many countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 consider the same value for professional
entertainers
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 and
scientists
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. I partly agree and partly disagree that the
activities
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 of these two sectors are equally worthwhile. On the one hand, the
activities
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 of
entertainers
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 could be
considerably
Replace the word
considered
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 beneficial to the emotional state of societies. As the majority of individuals have preoccupied themselves with either work or study, rarely could they feel joy. While watching comedy shows or going to live concerts could considerably make them happy. The effects of
this
Linking Words
 happiness would remain for days. So,
although
Linking Words
 psychologists are striving hard to increase the rates of happiness in societies, these
activities
Use synonyms
 seem to be truly influential.
In addition
Linking Words
, some family issues would be alleviated. Since regardless of the occupations of family members, they usually plan
watching
Change the verb form
to watch
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 TV or
going
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to go
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 to cinemas together.
This
Linking Words
 would inevitably force them to spend time with each other. In doing so, satisfactory moments would be rendered which would be
considerably
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considered
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 effective in forging close bonds with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.
Thus
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, professional
entertainers
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 could aid
people
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 to feel better not only about themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 about their close relatives. Some
scientists
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,
however
Linking Words
, strive hard for addressing dreadful issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the ones that are searching for the mitigation of environmental crises. The consequences of these issues could end up with the extinction of all creatures. So, the impacts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientists
Use synonyms
 on human beings could be far greater than
entertainers
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, specialists physicians are
also
Linking Words
 dramatically beneficial to individuals. Annually a great number of
people
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 have been dying because of physical diseases and
scientists
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 are
endeavoring
Change the spelling
endeavouring
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 to find
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 medicine to save lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
scientists
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 have found
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vaccines that are capable to eliminate Corona-Virus.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, engineers and computer
scientists
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 could invent both
hardwares
Correct your spelling
hardware
 and
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 that have paved the way to the welfare
for
Change preposition
of
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people
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 on various occasions.
For example
Linking Words
, thanks to the development of technology, a great number of
people
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 could telework during the recent pandemic.
This
Linking Words
 has prevented
people
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 from
Replace the word
losing
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loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
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 their jobs and companies from going bankrupt.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the lives and welfare of individuals seem to depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists
Use synonyms
. I sit on the fence in
this
Linking Words
 regard.
Although
Linking Words
 emotional levels of
people
Use synonyms
 could stinkingly soar if professional
entertainers
Use synonyms
 work, the
activities
Use synonyms
 of
scientists
Use synonyms
 are vital for the survival of all creatures which is likely to be more important comparing with their emotions. So, both these groups are essential for citizens. It is believed by a group of
people
Use synonyms
 that good
entertainers
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 are as influential as
scientists
Use synonyms
 in societies.
Submitted by azaderahmani1990 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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