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Band 5.5

Some feel that good entertainers are as important to society as scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #entertainers #society #scientists
Entertainment
Add an article
The entertainment
show examples
 industry seems to be one of the most lucrative industries in many countries. Some
people
 consider the same value for professional
entertainers
 and
scientists
. I partly agree and partly disagree that the
activities
 of these two sectors are equally worthwhile. On the one hand, the
activities
 of
entertainers
 could be
considerably
Replace the word
considered
show examples
 beneficial to the emotional state of societies. As the majority of individuals have preoccupied themselves with either work or study, rarely could they feel joy. While watching comedy shows or going to live concerts could considerably make them happy. The effects of
this
 happiness would remain for days. So,
although
 psychologists are striving hard to increase the rates of happiness in societies, these
activities
 seem to be truly influential.
In addition
, some family issues would be alleviated. Since regardless of the occupations of family members, they usually plan
watching
Change the verb form
to watch
show examples
 TV or
going
Change the verb form
to go
show examples
 to cinemas together.
This
 would inevitably force them to spend time with each other. In doing so, satisfactory moments would be rendered which would be
considerably
Replace the word
considered
show examples
 effective in forging close bonds with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Thus
, professional
entertainers
 could aid
people
 to feel better not only about themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 about their close relatives. Some
scientists
,
however
, strive hard for addressing dreadful issues.
Firstly
, the ones that are searching for the mitigation of environmental crises. The consequences of these issues could end up with the extinction of all creatures. So, the impacts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists
 on human beings could be far greater than
entertainers
.
In addition
, specialists physicians are
also
 dramatically beneficial to individuals. Annually a great number of
people
 have been dying because of physical diseases and
scientists
 are
endeavoring
Change the spelling
endeavouring
show examples
 to find
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 medicine to save lives.
For example
,
scientists
 have found
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vaccines that are capable to eliminate Corona-Virus.
Furthermore
, engineers and computer
scientists
 could invent both
hardwares
Correct your spelling
hardware
 and
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 that have paved the way to the welfare
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
 on various occasions.
For example
, thanks to the development of technology, a great number of
people
 could telework during the recent pandemic.
This
 has prevented
people
 from
Replace the word
losing
show examples
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 their jobs and companies from going bankrupt.
Therefore
, the lives and welfare of individuals seem to depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists
. I sit on the fence in
this
 regard.
Although
 emotional levels of
people
 could stinkingly soar if professional
entertainers
 work, the
activities
 of
scientists
 are vital for the survival of all creatures which is likely to be more important comparing with their emotions. So, both these groups are essential for citizens. It is believed by a group of
people
 that good
entertainers
 are as influential as
scientists
 in societies.
Submitted by azaderahmani1990 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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