IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching another planet to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#future #earth #people #money #planet
Some individuals think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pore more
amount
 of financial resources into searching
another
Change preposition
for another
show examples
 habitable planet as living on earth is becoming quite challenging. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss reasons why I my opinion more
amount
 of money should be put
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 finding solutions to the problems faced by humans, as men are
root
Add an article
the root
show examples
 of all the problems. Pollution is the main cause of
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of the hardships humans face on earth. Government should find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways
 to raise awareness to follow
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 lifestyle, which will indeed help to reduce pollution. Using renewable sources will not only curb the
amount
 of CO2 emission but will
also
 help to improve air quality. To exemplify, If the whole city decides to use solar power as the main source of electricity needs it will result in
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
show examples
 in demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 electricity production by conventional methods. The other reason is the crime in the cities. It is unfortunate to see that despite trying
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several
ways
 governments in the big cities are unable to reduce crime rates. It was founded in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey that 57% of individuals feel unsafe in the city if they are working late at night. Authorities should find out more concrete
ways
 to reduce crime and make people feel
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
. I strongly believe rather than putting a lot more
amount
 in searching
another
Change preposition
for another
show examples
 habitable planet it is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier to find
ways
 to reduce the challenges that we face here on planet earth,by just putting
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 right
amount
 of money and resources.
Submitted by vishwab3692 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: