IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that in the contemporary world, we tend to be more reliant on each other. Some,
however
Linking Words
, claim
otherwise
Linking Words
. From my perspective, I advocate the former, which indicates that
people
Use synonyms
 in modern times count on one another more than they used to.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 are correlated with each other in almost every field, accounting for the coining of the term 'networking.' 'Networking' as a concept has acquired what is in all truth an unjustified air of modernity, claiming the indispensable role of communication and socialization in one's development.
For instance
Linking Words
, great networkers integrate into the community and embrace advancement opportunities, while those who disassociate themselves from others are often discouraged from getting sufficient support to flourish. What is more,
people
Use synonyms
 are indeed not adept at everything;
therefore
Linking Words
, cooperation and
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
show examples
 are always called for when it comes to enhancement. A noteworthy example of
this
Linking Words
 could be the cases of prosperous enterprises namely Amazon and Facebook.
Such
Linking Words
 companies and conglomerates need collaboration to expand both nationally and internationally.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 somewhat become independent regarding their personal lives. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are more self-sufficient than their former generation since they can settle down on themselves at a pretty young age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as globalization grows apace with burgeoning employment prospects,
people
Use synonyms
 probably sustain themselves financially without subsidies from parents. All things considered, while
people
Use synonyms
 in modern times become more reliant on each other as to contacts and cooperation, they
also
Linking Words
 become more self-reliant concerning their private lives and financial status. Though, I support the former, claiming that
people
Use synonyms
 are more dependent on one another in almost every aspect given.
Submitted by HongPhuc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: