IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some countries achieve international sporting success by building specialised facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development
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It is argued that
athletes
 who achieve top international success are trained by professional
facilities
 only in some countries. I agree with the idea to some extent, but I believe that common people can
also
 be successful through publicly accessible
sports
facilities
 that everyone can use. There are several compelling reasons why specialised
facilities
 can produce elite sportsmen.
Firstly
, professional coaches in these institutes can train
athletes
 excellently through rigorous arrangements, a sport-specific diet, and valuable experience-sharing.
For example
, China’s national
sports
 team, which has been developed rapidly, constructing a comprehensive network of specialized training centres, has already won numerous medals at the international Olympic Games.
Secondly
, the national team athlete’s job is full-time, allowing them to focus entirely on training without financial concerns.
Finally
, the highly selective recruitment process would only admit the most talented students to the State-of-the-art
facilities
 around the country, spending all money on the people who have the most possibility to become world champions.
On the other hand
, I believe that national sporting success can
also
 be achieved by public
sports
 centres. Talented competitors can rise to elite
athletes
 through the self-motivated training process, who are just inspired by personal hobbies.
Furthermore
, in the information era, numerous resources of
sports
 are posted on the Internet, which is accessible to everyone for learning.
Additionally
, the widespread availability of community
sports
facilities
 lowers the entry barriers, encouraging broader participation.
This
 inclusivity fosters a deep-rooted Olympic spirit across society, motivating future generations of
athletes
. In conclusion,
although
 specialized
facilities
 can enhance an athlete’s performance, widespread access to
sports
facilities
also
 plays a crucial role in fostering talent.
Submitted by a1552094108 on

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task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded argument discussing both the advantages of specialized facilities and the role of public facilities, which enhances your essay's balance. However, to achieve a higher score, consider incorporating a more detailed and nuanced discussion of each point you present. Additionally, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured and easy to follow, which is a strength. However, you could improve further by using more varied transition phrases and linking words to ensure fluidity between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your main points.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples, such as the example of China's national sports teams and their specialized training facilities, which strengthened your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
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