IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#universities #numbers #students
It has been suggested that
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
 for discussion, the same number of men and women
students
 should be admitted to each faculty by universities. I believe strongly,
this
 notion is wrong so I don't agree.
First
 of all, I am of the opinion that
students
 aren't to be separated according to genders by other
people
. My own view on
this
 matter, the most hard-working, diligent, the best score
students
 must be selected by universities. For ,example if
students
 were chosen in accordance with sexes, probably injustice situations would become more. Briefly, the best scores males or females may get weaker a faculty.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many
people
 claim that
this
 condition is not gender-equality, I believe that
this
 situation is better, both public and the development of the country, because better employees will work in the various bodies of the country. On the one hand, in my opinion,
this
 condition will assist to increase a sense of rivalry. As a matter of fact, a sense of competition is indispensable and crucial
both
Change preposition
to both
show examples
people
 and a country for the future, progress
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 lucks and so on.
People
 have to consider that, if boys compete only with boys
also
, in ,contrast girls compete only with girls a sense of competition will drop from high level to down. It seems to me that, rivalry feeling is necessary to be increased by the government with various measures.
Hence
, the numbers shouldn't be shared by the government according to
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
. To sum up, these opinions can help us that, in
this
 day and age conditions is relevant for developing. In accordance with sexes will decrease progress both nowadays and future
Submitted by aydin.quliyev2001 on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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