IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#computers #part #school #lessons
In the nation of the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
computer
 has become more and more popular among the people, many people believe that young school children get more benefit through
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 computers while some other opposed it and indicate that most of the school children’s culture and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 change due to the development of
technology
. The essay will
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussing
show examples
 the pro and cons and I will give my opinion at the end of
this
 essay.
First
 and foremost, in
this
 digital
world
,
technology
 is an essential part of everyday life.
Firstly
 it is enhancing pupil’s knowledge in different ways.
For instance
, many
university
Change to a plural noun
universities
show examples
 offering online courses these days,
such
 as online lecturing, video recording and live streams in
this
 way, a person who has basic information about
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can easily compete
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 online learning classes.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 if the university includes the
computer
 as a part of their syllabus
then
 it will help students to prepare a project on their own and assist them to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
E-books around the
world
.
On the other hand
, if we look at that what make
negative
Add an article
the negative
a negative
show examples
 impact of
technology
! In
this
globalization
Replace the word
globalised
show examples
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 each and every
products
Change to a singular noun
product
show examples
 sell through online marketing. In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 many kids who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
basic
Add an article
a basic
show examples
 understanding of
computer
 might lead online abuse. Now day’s online fraud has
been increases
Change the verb form
been increasing
been increased
show examples
, they might become
Add an article
a victim
the victim
show examples
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 of forgery. In conclusion, no one can stop the development of
technology
,
hence
 if the children use the
computer
 with prober Guidance will
be preserve
Change the verb form
preserve
show examples
 children from crime makers.
Submitted by sanj718 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Edutainment
  • Multimedia resources
  • E-learning platforms
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Ergonomic hazards
  • Cognitive overload
  • Technological proficiency
  • Blended learning environments
  • Instructional technology
  • Adaptive software
  • Screen time management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: