IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some think that computer games are dangerous for children in every way, while others think that computer games help children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #computer #games #children #children’s #development
With the passage of time, the way that
children
 play has
also
 transformed, and
children
 have spent time playing
computer
games
 increasingly, which becomes contentious. Some hold the view that playing
computer
games
 have only negative impacts;
however
, others argue they serve
children
 as an education. I believe negative consequences outweigh positive outcomes for the following reason. Admittedly,
computer
games
 are beneficial for
children
's development because they provide opportunities to train
children
's brains.
Games
' settings are appreciably complex, which allows kids to work on challenging tasks from an early age.
This
 is well exemplified by a Japanese prominent professional shogi player Fujii, the youngest champion of the board game. His practice was unique because he just trained with
computer
games
.
Furthermore
,
children
 are able to acquire
computer
skills
. In the era of technology, we cannot survive without
computer
 ability.
For example
, programmers have become a popular occupation. Learning
computer
skills
 broaden one's possibility for their future career.
However
, there are mounting factors that contribute to disturbing
children
's progress. The primary reason is that it gives adverse implications on physical conditions. By sedentary way of spending pastime, time for physical activities is drastically decreased, which causes diseases
such
 as diabetes.
In addition
, it deprives the opportunities to nurture communication
skills
. Unlike the conventional methods
such
 as playing sports,
computer
games
 are lacking the chance to interact with other peers. In fact,
as a result
 of introverted lifestyles, the number of young adults who suffered from social relationships is increasing.
Accordingly
,
computer
games
 made
children
 fail to gain essential
skills
 in the future. In conclusion, while
computer
games
 have merits for kids' growth in terms of development of brains and education of computing
skills
, they damage
children
 physically and mentally. For these reasons, I believe
computer
games
 entail more drawbacks than advantages.
Submitted by yukappy.961106 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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