IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that important things in life are mostly free or can’t be bought. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Many believe
life
Check wording
life's
show examples
 essential things are mainly free and cannot be purchased. Personally, I agree with them
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 nowadays society thinks material
give
Check wording
possessions give
show examples
 them joy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss First
foremost
Correct word choice
and foremost
show examples
, money is the key to happiness, not joy. Some folk
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 like rats every day
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 hating their jobs
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 doing
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
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 of
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
show examples
. They usually think about how much stock he made
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 billionaires are the happiest
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 in the world.
Unfortunately
Punctuation problem
Unfortunately,
show examples
 after
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 that huge amount of
cash
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Fix capitalization
People
show examples
 usually die or get sick because always stressed the whole time. After they die government,
kids
Correct article usage
the kids
show examples
 or
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
 takes their checks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, billionaires said, "I'm not happy because how much I made what makes me happy is my job".
Secondly
Linking Words
,
One
Fix capitalization
one
show examples
 of the important things is family and friendship
neither
Punctuation problem
, neither
show examples
Change preposition
of them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 you can
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
purchase
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. That
people
Use synonyms
 make our lives more
reasonably
Replace the word
reasonable
show examples
, happier
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
anytime
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they will share
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 feelings
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
agony
Correct pronoun usage
their agony
show examples
. Even
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
 and become happy whom you share
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
those you
show examples
 pleasure. What makes us stronger is not
cash
Use synonyms
,
when
Correct word choice
but when
show examples
 we are together. After
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 say to
youngsters
Punctuation problem
youngsters,
show examples
 " Do what you love,
cash
Use synonyms
 will go one day
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 your family, friends won't leave you alone".
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
afterwards
Punctuation problem
afterwards,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 don't talk about how you made they will talk about
legacy
Correct article usage
the legacy
show examples
 In conclusion, wealth is not pleasure
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
gives you only
Correct word order
only gives you
show examples
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more opportunities. In
this
Linking Words
century
Punctuation problem
century,
show examples
 society
rushing
Verb problem
is rushing
show examples
 to succeed rather than helping others make memorable things. We need to know we only live once!. Even if rebirth is
true
Punctuation problem
true,
show examples
 we
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 remember again!.

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structure
Plan your answer. Decide your view at the start and keep to it in the essay.
organization
Use clear paragraphs. Put one idea in each paragraph and use linking words.
language
Use short, plain words. Prefer simple sentences.
content
Give a real life example from your own experience to show your point.
editing
Check your grammar and spelling of common words.
content
Your idea that money cannot buy true happiness is clear.
content
You point to family and friends as key things that money cannot buy.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • free
  • buy
  • money
  • love
  • family
  • friend
  • time
  • health
  • happiness
  • memory
  • trust
  • care
  • kindness
  • education
  • opportunity
  • security
  • safety
  • life
  • value
  • effort
  • choice
  • joy
  • problem
  • meaning
  • character
  • feelings
  • support
  • risk
  • peace
What to do next:
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