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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a negative and positive development.

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In recent years, an increasing number of individuals have become excessively dependent on the
internet
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 and mobile phones. In my view,
this
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 is a completely negative development because it has harmful effects on social relationships,
health
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, and productivity. One major drawback of excessive
internet
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 and mobile phone usage is its negative impact on social life. Spending long hours browsing the
internet
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 and scrolling through social media can create distance between family members and friends.
This
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 may lead to conflicts within families and gradually reduce the quality of personal relationships.
Moreover
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, many people become more interested in making online friends and often neglect their real-life friendships.
This
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 practice limits face-to-face interaction, which weakens genuine social bonds over
time
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. Another significant disadvantage is the damage it can cause to physical and mental
health
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. Overusing the
internet
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 and mobile devices often results in headaches, stress, eye strain, and laziness.
In addition
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, excessive screen
time
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 discourages people from participating in physical activities
such
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 as walking, running, and swimming.
As a result
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, many individuals develop unhealthy lifestyles, which can lead to obesity and other serious
health
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 problems.
Therefore
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, overdependence on technology can negatively affect
overall
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 well-being.
Furthermore
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, spending too much
time
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 on the
internet
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 can reduce concentration and lower performance at school or work. Individuals often lose focus because of constant online distractions, causing them to spend less
time
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 on productive activities.
Consequently
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, their confidence, productivity, and performance decline, which can limit both personal and professional development. In conclusion,
although
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 the
internet
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 and mobile phones have made life easier and more convenient, excessive dependence on them is largely a negative development. It can damage social relationships, harm
health
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, and reduce productivity.
Therefore
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, people should use technology wisely and in a balanced manner.

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task response
For task response, you answer the question well, but the topic asks about both negative and positive sides. You mostly talk about the negative side. Add one clear paragraph about the good side, then explain why the bad side is stronger.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some points are general. Add one or two real and clear examples, like how phones help people study, work, or call family in need.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. Your paragraphs are in a good order. To make it better, use a few more linking words with care, such as 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand', if you discuss both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea about harm. Try to make each body paragraph have one main point and one fresh support point.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, clear body paragraphs, and a clear ending. This helps the reader follow your essay easily.
task response
Your main idea is strong and stays the same through the essay. This gives your writing a clear focus.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main topic, such as social life, health, and work or study. This is a good way to build an essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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