Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others however believe that money had nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

Money

is one of the essential elements of a

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

human's

life

That is

inappropriate to say that "

Money

" can only buy

happiness

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

nevertheless

Add a comma

,nevertheless

show examples

it is one of the important factors to have

happiness

. Here, would like to throw some light and give my opinion on important factors that highlight how

money

is important for achieving

happiness

and aspects that imply

money

had nothing to do with

happiness

Firstly

, for a good standard of living, financial status really matters. If you earn well, can give good

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

to your family, which gives satisfaction at end of the day and result into the

happiness

. If you have good wealth, will have multiple choices in your daily

life

, no need to restrict yourself due to

shortage

Correct article usage

a shortage

show examples

money

, which tends to

happiness

life

. If you are well to do

then

in terms of daily spending, higher education for your children, travelling around the world, anytime you can pursue your goal by considering multiple options. If your

life

is blessed with good financial status,

then

you can spend

money

easily,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

also

avoids disputes in the family. There are many cases where

people

opt for crime or other illegal activities due to a shortage of

money

. The main reason for

happiness

is what you want and get it, nothing more than that. Sometimes due to the shortage of

money

, certain things for many

people

just become a dream. On another side, some

people

also

believe that

money

had nothing to do with

happiness

. with

this

context,

that is

true that

money

can not buy

happiness

always as if you have

money

but

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

have inner peace, or good family relation, that time

money

does not make any sense for

happiness

. As

people

say if you have less

money

, but a very good family

life

where all live happily

then

the

money

is the secondary. Some

people

believe that

money

might be an essential factor to have a happy

life

, but along with ,that there are many other factors that matter to have a happy

life

. small things

also

bring

happiness

in your

life

such

as spending

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality time with family, living your

life

with limited options but in a good way ethical that gives satisfaction. From my own experience, I can say definitely

money

is one of the value aspects to living a healthy

life

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

it might not be a reason for

happiness

always. Sometimes due to lack of

money

people

might not be able to achieve their goals, which might bring their

happiness

down. Would like to end up my thoughts by saying that

money

is not always important for

happiness

, but it is connected with

happiness

Submitted by Dakan on Thu Jul 29 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

449 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others however believe that money had nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities，the government encourages business move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In order to solve traffic problems, the government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

As a result of electronic inventions ,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree