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Band 4.5

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others however believe that money had nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness
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Money
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 is one of the essential elements of a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
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human's
life
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.
That is
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 inappropriate to say that "
Money
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" can only buy
happiness
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,
,,
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apply
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Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
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 it is one of the important factors to have
happiness
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. Here, would like to throw some light and give my opinion on important factors that highlight how
money
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 is important for achieving
happiness
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 and aspects that imply
money
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 had nothing to do with
happiness
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.
Firstly
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, for a good standard of living, financial status really matters. If you earn well, can give good
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 to your family, which gives satisfaction at end of the day and result into the
happiness
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. If you have good wealth, will have multiple choices in your daily
life
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, no need to restrict yourself due to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of
money
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, which tends to
happiness
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 in
life
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. If you are well to do
then
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 in terms of daily spending, higher education for your children, travelling around the world, anytime you can pursue your goal by considering multiple options. If your
life
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 is blessed with good financial status,
then
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 you can spend
money
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 easily,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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also
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 avoids disputes in the family. There are many cases where
people
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 opt for crime or other illegal activities due to a shortage of
money
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. The main reason for
happiness
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 is what you want and get it, nothing more than that. Sometimes due to the shortage of
money
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, certain things for many
people
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 just become a dream. On another side, some
people
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also
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 believe that
money
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 had nothing to do with
happiness
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. with
this
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 context,
that is
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 true that
money
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 can not buy
happiness
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 always as if you have
money
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 but
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have inner peace, or good family relation, that time
money
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 does not make any sense for
happiness
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. As
people
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 say if you have less
money
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, but a very good family
life
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 where all live happily
then
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 the
money
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 is the secondary. Some
people
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 believe that
money
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 might be an essential factor to have a happy
life
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, but along with ,that there are many other factors that matter to have a happy
life
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. small things
also
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 bring
happiness
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 in your
life
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such
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 as spending
a
Correct article usage
apply
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quality time with family, living your
life
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 with limited options but in a good way ethical that gives satisfaction. From my own experience, I can say definitely
money
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 is one of the value aspects to living a healthy
life
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,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 it might not be a reason for
happiness
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 always. Sometimes due to lack of
money
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,
people
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 might not be able to achieve their goals, which might bring their
happiness
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 down. Would like to end up my thoughts by saying that
money
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 is not always important for
happiness
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, but it is connected with
happiness
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.
Submitted by Dakan on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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