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Writing Samples
Band 7

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #tow #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise
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There is no doubt that the younger generation is consuming unhealthy cooking as
a
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apply
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consequence kids are becoming obese. The education system has
put
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been put
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 in charge of maintaining school kid's cuisine intake.
Although
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, academic institutions play a strong role in the development of our youth
but
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apply
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I believe that collaborative efforts of parents and schools can ameliorate the situation and I shall elucidate my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, Due to
easy
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the easy
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 availability of fast foodstuff, ordering a meal have become effortless for the students.
This
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 is an issue because eating
unrequired
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an unrequired
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snack
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snacks
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 can produce extra fat which leads to obesity.
For example
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, I have seen crowds using their mobile phones and online fare applications to place an order.One
such
Linking Words
 example is Zomato. In Zomato, we can simply search for a specific place and add them to
cart
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the cart
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 and place an order.
Moreover
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, these applications can deliver food quickly without wasting customer's time. Due to
this
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, the youngsters are more attracted to
this
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 software. Now, in
this
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 case, schools can not stop them from accessing
this
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 software. I believe that parents can restrict their children from handling mobile phones for
this
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 purpose.
On the other hand
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, whenever the teenagers are in the universities, at that time the higher authorities can ensure that they are not consuming insalubrious aliments.
For instance
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, Few crowds prefer to have snacks in between the breaks. It becomes habitual to them to consume edibles. As a solution, the learning centres can provide foodstuff to learners so that they won't buy anything else during breaks. In conclusion, schools, parents, and the respective individual should take care of their intake habits.
Submitted by shreyaraut1996 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • nutritional education
  • healthy eating
  • physical activity
  • long-term consequences
  • comprehensive PE lessons
  • extracurricular sports
  • holistic approach
  • collaborative effort
  • government strategy
  • over-monitoring
  • negative implications
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