Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

There is no doubt that the younger generation is consuming unhealthy cooking as
Correct the article-noun agreement

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun kids in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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consequence kids are becoming obese. The education system has
Add a missing verb
been put

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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in charge of maintaining school kid's cuisine intake.
, academic institutions play a strong role in the development of our youth
Remove the conjunction

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

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I believe that collaborative efforts of parents and schools can ameliorate the situation and I shall elucidate my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, Due to
Correct article usage
the easy

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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availability of fast foodstuff, ordering a meal have become effortless for the students.
is an issue because eating
Add an article
an unrequired

The noun phrase unrequired snack seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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Fix the agreement mistake

It seems that snack may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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can produce extra fat which leads to obesity.
For example
, I have seen crowds using their mobile phones and online fare applications to place an order.One
example is Zomato. In Zomato, we can simply search for a specific place and add them to
Correct article usage
the cart

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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and place an order.
, these applications can deliver food quickly without wasting customer's time. Due to
, the youngsters are more attracted to
software. Now, in
case, schools can not stop them from accessing
software. I believe that parents can restrict their children from handling mobile phones for
On the other hand
, whenever the teenagers are in the universities, at that time the higher authorities can ensure that they are not consuming insalubrious aliments.
For instance
, Few crowds prefer to have snacks in between the breaks. It becomes habitual to them to consume edibles. As a solution, the learning centres can provide foodstuff to learners so that they won't buy anything else during breaks. In conclusion, schools, parents, and the respective individual should take care of their intake habits.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.


I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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