Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #tow #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise

There is no doubt that the younger generation is consuming unhealthy cooking as

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

consequence kids are becoming obese. The education system has

put

Add a missing verb

been put

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in charge of maintaining school kid's cuisine intake.

Although

, academic institutions play a strong role in the development of our youth

but

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apply

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I believe that collaborative efforts of parents and schools can ameliorate the situation and I shall elucidate my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, Due to

easy

Correct article usage

the easy

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availability of fast foodstuff, ordering a meal have become effortless for the students.

This

is an issue because eating

unrequired

Add an article

an unrequired

show examples

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

show examples

can produce extra fat which leads to obesity.

For example

, I have seen crowds using their mobile phones and online fare applications to place an order.One

such

example is Zomato. In Zomato, we can simply search for a specific place and add them to

cart

Correct article usage

the cart

show examples

and place an order.

Moreover

, these applications can deliver food quickly without wasting customer's time. Due to

this

, the youngsters are more attracted to

this

software. Now, in

this

case, schools can not stop them from accessing

this

software. I believe that parents can restrict their children from handling mobile phones for

this

purpose.

On the other hand

, whenever the teenagers are in the universities, at that time the higher authorities can ensure that they are not consuming insalubrious aliments.

For instance

, Few crowds prefer to have snacks in between the breaks. It becomes habitual to them to consume edibles. As a solution, the learning centres can provide foodstuff to learners so that they won't buy anything else during breaks. In conclusion, schools, parents, and the respective individual should take care of their intake habits.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

childhood obesity
nutritional education
healthy eating
physical activity
long-term consequences
comprehensive PE lessons
extracurricular sports
holistic approach
collaborative effort
government strategy
over-monitoring
negative implications

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why might this be the case? do you think this is positive or negative development?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Which is better? Bigger families of the past or the small modern families?

Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?