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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today, many people spend less and less time at their home. What’s the reason for it? What are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

#people #time #home #what’s #reason #effects #trend #individuals #society
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It is common practice that many citizens are spending less and less
time
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 at their
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home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. The essay will discuss the reason behind
this
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 problem and the effects of
this
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 trend. The main reason is the
work
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 influence on numerous
people
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, which gives rise to
this
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 problem nowadays. To increase the profit of companies, employers assign so many tasks that individuals who need to earn money to support their families have to
work
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 overtime to accomplish the
work
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, which would occupy most of the
people
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's
time
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, traffic is another contributing factor. Most of the cities are becoming increasingly crowded due to the expanding population and the sharp rise in the number of private vehicles. Studies reveal that one-
third
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 of an individual’s
time
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 is spent on traffic jams. As far as I am concerned, we should not be blind to the effects of
this
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 practice.
Firstly
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,
such
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 an imbalanced lifestyle that
people
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 cannot eat at their
home
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, which
further
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 causes the individual's health problems. For illustrate, humans have to eat certain food riching fat and sugar will improve the risks of obesity, if they spend very little
time
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 at
home
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.
Besides
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, it’s generally believed that long-term prosperity requires the contribution of talent and competent citizens, which cannot be realized without good family education. If
people
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 spend less and less
time
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 at their
home
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, they are more likely to neglect the education of the younger generation, which causes their children cannot become responsible social members in the future. In conclusion, the reason many
people
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 spend most of their
time
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 outdoors is because of their
work
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 or traffic, which are detrimental to both the physical health and the long-term prosperity of society.
Submitted by lukehao3706 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended working hours
  • remote working
  • urbanization
  • economic pressures
  • digital nomad
  • social activities
  • technological advancements
  • commutes
  • recreational activities
  • engagement
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