IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Everyone should be vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#meat #diet
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Vegetarians have satisfactory immunity despite them never feeding on flesh.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not compulsory to feed on flesh to have a balanced diet. To commence with, vegetarian feeds on all food
component
Fix the agreement mistake
components
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 apart from the animal protein
hence
Linking Words
 there are other options of feeding on plant protein and
thus
Linking Words
 achieve the same nutritional value obtained from
meat
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. Vegetables are affordable and easily available. In, addition one kilogram of beans which is plant protein can be consumed by a large number of
people
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 unlike I kilogram of
meat
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. For ,example research was done by Kenyatta Nation Hospital nutritional department indicates that only 5% of vegetarian
people
Use synonyms
 acquire non-communicable diseases.
Therefore
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, for a society to be healthy and free from communicable diseases being a vegetarian would be a better option.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Meat
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 is tasty, attractive and makes
people
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 feel full ,unlike vegetarian meals which are digested very fast making someone desire to feed frequently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
meat
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 has been associated with non-communicable diseases and the health worker advice
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to eat just a portion
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 is enough for the body requirement and with
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 it is helpful in our body. For ,example ,almost 95% of the food available in entertainment joints is
meat
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 product and
thus
Linking Words
 vegetarians are not well represented.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 has other merits when accompanied by other meals apart from just having a balanced diet. To summarise, a healthy diet will lead to a healthy nation but how
people
Use synonyms
 feed contribute a lot to the health of a human being. In a
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 nutshell being healthy cannot be negotiated as it facilitates immunity in our body.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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