IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The statement that
teachers
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 have more influence than
parents
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 on young kids’ intellectual and social improvement once they start
school
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 is a nuanced topic with valid points on both sides.
This
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 essay will explore the extent to which
teachers
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 may exceed
parents
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 in influence during
school
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 years
,
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apply
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while
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 acknowledging the enduring impact of parental involvement as well.
Teachers
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 are pivotal in fostering intellectual advancement through a structured curriculum that encourages critical thinking and problem-solving skills.
In other words
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, instructors introduce structured learning environments where children engage with various subjects and develop critical thinking abilities. A specific example is an educator implementing project-based learning; In
such
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 a setting, students might work together on a science project, which not only enhances their understanding of scientific concepts but
also
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 fosters teamwork, communication, and problem-solving abilities, so that collaborative experience helps young kids learn how to work with peers, manage conflicts, and develop social skills that are essential for their
overall
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 development.
However
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, it is essential to recognize the foundational role
parents
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 play in a child's life. From birth, mom and father are a child's primary caregivers and have a profound impact on their emotional and social evolution. Family styles, values, and the home environment shape a child's attitudes,
behaviors
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behaviours
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, and learning approaches.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 continue to influence their kids even after they start
school
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. They provide support for homework, encourage educational activities outside of
school
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, and instil values that guide their children's interactions and decisions. In conclusion,
although
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teachers
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 undoubtedly play a vital role in children's intellectual and social development during their
school
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 years,
parents
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 remain influential figures throughout their lives, too.

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, consider providing more detailed examples and expanding on how both teachers and parents shape various aspects of social development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain consistency in terms to ensure clarity; the shift from 'young kids' to 'children' can be more seamless.
Introduction/Conclusion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a balanced view, acknowledging the influence of both teachers and parents.
Logical Structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the writer's arguments and conclusions.
Supported Main Points
The use of an example involving project-based learning effectively illustrates how teachers contribute to both intellectual and social skills development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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