There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Education is the soul of everything we do. As we live in a competitive

world

, kids need to perform exceptionally well in shining in their domains.

Hence

, many people think that extracurricular activities like physical education and cooking need to be eliminated from the curriculum. I disagree with

this

point because I believe we need them as well in a pleasant

world

. The essay elucidates my points in detail in the coming paragraphs.

Firstly

, in order to perform the tasks wisely and nicely, kids have to be physically fit because it enables them to deliver more.

Although

it may take a plethora of their precious time, eventually, it will help them in achieving more and more challenges. Some parents may deny

this

by mentioning that it is a waste of time as they see everything from children's future point of view.

Also

, getting engaged in any sports make the kids so excited and motivated. My daughter is super delighted to go to school because her school is rich in extracurricular activities.

Secondly

, non-academical activity like cookery is helping the young people to learn a new profession.

Moreover

, mastering these skills would be so vital that they can use them in case of emergency at school or home.

Finally

, practising cookery could contribute the young generation a considerable level of patience. My little one does always like to cook since it attributes her plethora of ideas and mental relaxation. Always being concentrated on academics topics would bring not only stress but

also

an unhealthy lifestyle. To conclude, I would recommend having both academic as well as non-academic topics in a balanced manner. We need all varieties of people in the

world

to have a pleasant

world

. Whereas a small portion of the crowd opposes having extracurricular activities in the syllabus, it is always a marvellous idea to have everything in the proper proposition.

Submitted by mail2sooraj on Sat Jul 31 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

312 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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