Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

Every year, companies have to pay a significant amount of money for online advertising, in magazines, and on billboards.
Due to
its attractiveness,
consumers
often spend their money on products that they do not really need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their curiosity.
This
habit can bring both positive and negative influences for
consumers
.
Firstly
, advertising is a useful way to approach
consumers
regardless of location or time. Many good products can be brought to
people
all over the world with attractive adverts. An average advert can be a short 30-second video or an hour-long music video, but it contains all the necessary information about its function, beautiful look, and meaningful story, thereby giving
people
the desire to buy the product.
For instance
, health goods
such
as vitamin supplements,
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
supplements, and healthy juice can reach anyone who needs them, but they may not be able to choose the best product for their needs.
This
lays the foundation for a decreased rate of vitamin and
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
deficiency, thereby fostering the well-being of the whole population.
On the other hand
, advertising companies know how to use the customer's psychology to make their advertising videos look attractive, confusing them about which products they need, and
consumers
often end up buying all those things.
This
can be attributed to the overconsumption level of customers, which could lead to
people
being penniless.
To conclude
, it is undeniable that companies have to do a good job of making their advertising videos attractive to catch more
people
's eyes.
This
can lead to an increasing number of customers reaching those useful goods, but it is
also
the main culprit for putting
people
into penniless situations.
Submitted by phuongnga24042003 on

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear overall response to the task, but it could be enhanced by addressing a few more specific aspects. Make sure to balance the discussion of both positive and negative effects more evenly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically organized, there are some areas where the flow could be improved. Linking words, such as 'however,' 'moreover,' or 'on the contrary,' could be used to make transitions smoother between points.
task achievement
Support each main point with more detailed and specific examples. For instance, instead of a general mention of vitamin supplements, consider discussing a specific campaign or an instance that illustrates your point clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of examples to illustrate points is helpful, such as mentioning health goods in the context of advertising benefits.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of the writer's stance.

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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