IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to co-operate so that they could become more useful adults. State some reasons for both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #co-operate #adults
It has always been fascinating to consider what contributes to shaping a useful citizen’s personality.
Although
 determining to compete does benefit individuals since it offers an environment that motivates them to thrive, I hold the belief that the advantages of co-operating are weightier as it not only enables
people
 to work efficiently but
also
 creates a sense of peace among collaborators. On the one hand, learning to compete is becoming irrefutably essential in
this
 increasingly ambitious world. What should be taken into consideration is that it encourages
people
 to try their best. When
people
 are taken into comparison, they are forced to show out their potentials and achievements because no one wants to be inferior to others.
As a result
, individuals would work hard to perform the most perfect side of themselves which motivates the development of society.
This
 is simply exemplified by circumstances of Asian school competitions, at which students always be put to vie with others;
therefore
, the fact remains that Asian teams seem to perform better and achieve higher positions in global championships.
On the other hand
, collaboration skill is
furthermore
 important to both social development and one’s improvement. What should be the priority is that the productivity of tasks could be boosted when
people
 co-operate. Because everyone has different strengths, a team of various members could come up with more excellent results when these strengths assemble. It is
also
 undeniable that the more
people
 work together, the faster the assignment is fulfilled. What is of paramount importance is that teaming up brings about a sense of peace. Working together gives
people
 the opportunity to share any problem they have. As they open up, collaborators learn to trust
people
 around them, have a grasp of communicating more freely,
therefore
, a strong foundation of a healthy relationship is set.
Moreover
, when
people
 throw in together, they will no longer work under stress and pressure of becoming the best. A prime example of
this
 case is the decrease in the number of
people
 facing mental breakdowns when working in a team
instead
 of competing individually. From my personal perspective, the most important thing that a child should be educated on is to know how to live peacefully with others. The harmony and development of the society could be maintained only when
people
 co-operate to reach an agreement.
Submitted by Hai Linh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: