Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to co-operate so that they could become more useful adults. State some reasons for both views and give your opinion.

It has always been fascinating to consider what contributes to shaping a useful citizen’s personality.

Although

determining to compete does benefit individuals since it offers an environment that motivates them to thrive, I hold the belief that the advantages of co-operating are weightier as it not only enables

people

to work efficiently but

also

creates a sense of peace among collaborators. On the one hand, learning to compete is becoming irrefutably essential in

this

increasingly ambitious world. What should be taken into consideration is that it encourages

people

to try their best. When

people

are taken into comparison, they are forced to show out their potentials and achievements because no one wants to be inferior to others.

As a result

, individuals would work hard to perform the most perfect side of themselves which motivates the development of society.

This

is simply exemplified by circumstances of Asian school competitions, at which students always be put to vie with others;

therefore

, the fact remains that Asian teams seem to perform better and achieve higher positions in global championships.

On the other hand

, collaboration skill is

furthermore

important to both social development and one’s improvement. What should be the priority is that the productivity of tasks could be boosted when

people

co-operate. Because everyone has different strengths, a team of various members could come up with more excellent results when these strengths assemble. It is

also

undeniable that the more

people

work together, the faster the assignment is fulfilled. What is of paramount importance is that teaming up brings about a sense of peace. Working together gives

people

the opportunity to share any problem they have. As they open up, collaborators learn to trust

people

around them, have a grasp of communicating more freely,

therefore

, a strong foundation of a healthy relationship is set.

Moreover

, when

people

throw in together, they will no longer work under stress and pressure of becoming the best. A prime example of

this

case is the decrease in the number of

people

facing mental breakdowns when working in a team

instead

of competing individually. From my personal perspective, the most important thing that a child should be educated on is to know how to live peacefully with others. The harmony and development of the society could be maintained only when

people

co-operate to reach an agreement.

Submitted by Hai Linh on Sun Aug 01 2021

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

388 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to co-operate so that they could become more useful adults. State some reasons for both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Scientists have been warning for many years that to protect the environment, we have to limit the use of energy in a daily lives. Despite warning many people do not attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save the environment?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?